Monthly Archive

A psychiatrist is doing rounds in his hospital with a couple of students.They look in on one patient and the psychiatrist says to his students, "Sometimes this fellow thinks he's a temptress in a Bize... read more..

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I keep having this recurring feeling that I'm going to shrink! What can I do?"The doctor replied, "Now, calm down, you ju... read more..

Bill: It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. Doug: So what did she ask for?Bill: She said, "Oh, I don't know, just give me something with diamonds." And ... read more..

There's a new pasta diet -Just walk pasta bakery without stopping, walk pasta candy store without stopping, walk pasta ice cream store without stopping.... read more..

"Dieters: people that are thick and tired of it." read more..

A man walks into his doctor's office and says,"Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't."... read more..

A new nurse at a hospital was perplexed by Dr.Mike Wilson’s behavior. Off and on throughout her shift Dr. Wilson would run up and down the hallway, yelling, "Tetanus, measles, flu..............”" Very... read more..

When a panel of doctors were asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the allergists voted to scratch it and the dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastro-enterologists had a gu... read more..

There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few house calls he stopped coming to the farm.Th... read more..

"You're going out to play golf again?" Dewey’s wife complained. "I'm only doing under doctors orders." "Do I look stupid to you?!" "But it’s true," he said, while walking out the door. "Dr. Wilson tol read more..

This guy decides he wants his dog to be able to dance, so he enrolls the pet in dance classes. Dutifully, he takes this dog to class every week, but he sees no improvement. Finally, he takes the instr... read more..

"The Dalmatian's called Jerry, but the Afghanistan."- Jeff Foxworthy read more..

My eccentric neighbor proudly showed me what appeared to be a dog. "It's unique," he explained, "part dog and part bull and it cost me a thousand.""Which part is bull?" I asked.He replied, "The part a... read more..

"If your mutt is always growling angrily, it must be because he's a cross breed." read more..

Larry was tall and laconic so, of course, he hated to waste words."Why use two? One will do," he was frequently heard to ask. People giving him simple conversation were likely to hear, "Too much, to... read more..

A romantic young Outremont man is wooing a prissy young Westmount (English speaking) woman who knows French."Jt t'adore," whispers the amorous Quebecois (French Canadian)."Shut it yourself, " replies ... read more..

A pastor's church was getting too large for him to cover all of the duties so he had a clone made of himself. All was going well, he could be in two hospitals at once praying for the sick, attend two... read more..

A new nurse listened while Dr. Bryce was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots a... read more..

"I just killed Dracula," said Tom Swift painstakingly. read more..

A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Trans Am. Another night I dreamed I wa... read more..

People don't really dream in color.If they think they do, it just a pigment of their imagination.... read more..

Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window. Saleslady: I'm sorry, madam, you'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.... read more..

"The young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South Pacific.One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients.He radioed a base hospital:'Have case of beriberi. What read more..

"Good afternoon, my good barkeep, a pint of Less if you please," said the old man as he entered the tavern."Less? Never heard of it," replied the barman."Oh, come now surely you have," he persisted." read more..

At a reception, a lawyer said to a judge, "I see that you are drinking coffee. Why don't you try something more stimulating? Have you ever tried bourbon?” "No,” replied the judge, "but I have tried se... read more..

Physiology: The study of carbonated drinks.... read more..

My family has a tradition of naming the cruise control on our cars. We were used to hearing my father proclaim, "Take it, Max," as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our station wa... read more..

People say I drive like lightning, not because I drive fast but because I hit trees.... read more..

Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.Seconds later, two policemen came by. While one pulled the gentleman over, the second carefully stop... read more..

Have you heard about the pharmaceutical company that developed a new drug which, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent?The FDA refused to license it. Seems it was habit formin... read more..