[PearlyGates] Issue #0530

The PearlyGates Newsletter

Featuring clean, theologically incorrect humor.

Issue #0531

Today's Table of Contents

Cybersalt News - July 20, 2012
2030 Headlines
Latest Funny Pictures

Cybersalt News - July 20, 2012

Pastor Tim slinks quietly back into your inbox . . . .

I thought I better send out a mailing since so many have been e-mailing me and wondering if I am OK or occupied with performing community service after being convicted of some fashion faux-pas. All is well, so let not your hearts be troubled; I've just been busy with a pretty full plate that I am trying to keep spinning aling with all the other important things - like personal hygeine.

I have been adding things to the Cybersalt Sites from time to time (as those of you who follow via my social media posts). If you'd like to catch up on some of those things check out the following links:

Some updated funny car pictures:
www.cybersalt.org/entertainment/funny-car-pictures

Some FunBlog entries:
www.cybersalt.org/entertainment/funblog

Video of a rare thunderstorm at Cybersalt World Headquarters:
www.cybersalt.org/cybersalt-news/cybersalt-news-july-15-2012

If you aren't already following Cybersalt on your favorite social media channel here are some links to make that happen:

Facebook - www.facebook.com/cybersaltsite
Pintrest - pinterest.com/cybersalt
Stumbleupon - www.stumbleupon.com/stumbler/cybersalt
Bolt - bo.lt/app/account/cybersalt/collections
Twitter - twitter.com/cybersalt
Google+ - gplus.to/cybersalt
LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/cybersalt

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Here is today's PearlyGates item.

2030 Headlines

A picture of newspapers being recycled Fidel Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops & livestock.

Thirty-five year study proclaims diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 Florida "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Ozone created by electric cars killing thousands in Los Angeles.

Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers and baseball bats be registered by January 1, 2031.

Colorado motorist arrested for not driving SUV.

Average worker's Social Security (FICA) contribution hits $12,000 per week. Protests planned.

Seats for Mel Brooks' "The Producers" on Broadway, decline to $12,000 per.

E-mail messages, like this one, now charged at $5 per word. Please remit.

The PearlyGates list features material that Pastor Tim thinks is funny but would probably generate emotionally fuelled feedback if sent to his other more general and family safe lists. He knows the jokes are theologically, politically, and/or socially incorrect and he’s ok with that. And yes, he would tell these jokes to his mother, his children and even his church in certain public speaking situations where he is called pastor for reasons other than the jokes he tells.

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