sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

- Author unknown

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    College Laundry

    My son Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He…
  • Default Image

    Blizzard Police

    While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a policeman,…
  • Default Image

    Priest's Uniform

    A little boy, not accustomed to seeing a priest in his "work uniform" went up to the…
  • Default Image

    Hymns vs. Choruses

    THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HYMNS AND PRAISE CHORUSES An old farmer went to the city one…
  • Default Image

    Coast Guard Lingo

    When my husband joined the Coast Guard, I knew there would be some adjustments. Not only…
  • thermometer

    How Cold is it?

    An annotated thermometer: (degrees Fahrenheit, then Celsius) +50 / +10* New York tenants…
  • Default Image

    Sick Call

    Mr. Frobisher constantly called Dr. Wilson at all hours of the day and night and would…
  • Default Image

    Parrot Skills

    A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three…
  • Default Image

    Gnashing of Teeth

    A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgement Day and, of course,…
  • Default Image

    Visiting Oxford

    An guy was visiting Oxford University for the first time. He stopped a passing Oxford don…
  • Default Image

    Compliments to the Chef

    I have a reputation for not being a fantastic cook. One evening I worked particularly…
  • Default Image

    Bathroom Exasperation

    As the lone female in our house, I find that certain male habits have really begun to get…
  • Default Image

    London Building

    A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of…
  • Default Image

    More Bulletin Bloopers

    Several members who have been in the hospital are not on their way to recovery, for which…
  • Default Image

    Negotiated Rules of Golf Between AARP and USGA

    The AARP has negotiated with the USGA to modify the following rules of golf for…