Thirty Minutes to a Cleaner House
You're getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess. WHAT
WILL YOU DO?
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first session of Housekeeping
Tips for
Regular People. If you're a Martha Stewart type of housekeeper, this
is NOT
for you. However, for the rest of you, this is your chance to learn
15
Secret Shortcuts to Good Housekeeping that your mother never told
you.
SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS If a room clearly can't be whipped into
shape in 30
days--much less 30 minutes--employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning.
Tell
anyone who tries to go in the room that the door is intentionally
locked.
CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom. Time:
2 seconds
SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE No home should be without an ample supply.
Not only
is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it's a great way to hem drapes,
tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss. Time:
2-3 minutes
SECRET TIP 3: OVENS If you think ovens are just for baking, think
again.
Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which
means
they're a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just
about
anything you want to get out of sight when company's coming. Time:
2 minutes
SECRET TIP 4: CLOTHES DRYERS Like Secret Tip 3, except bigger. CAUTION:
Avoid hiding flammable objects here. Time: 2.5 minutes
SECRET TIP 5: WASHING MACHINES & FREEZERS Like Secret Tip 4,
except even bigger. Time: 3 minutes
SECRET TIP 6: DUST RUFFLES No bed should be without one. Devotees
of Martha
Stewart believe dust ruffles exist to keep dust out from under a bed
or to
help coordinate the colorful look of a bedroom. The rest of us know
a dust
ruffle's highest and best use is to hide whatever you've managed to
shove
under the bed. (Refer to Secret Tips 3, 4, 5.) Time: 4 minutes
SECRET TIP 7: DUSTING The 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House method says:
Never
dust under what you can dust around. Time: 3 minutes
SECRET TIP 8: DISHES Don't use them. Use plastic or paper and you
won't have
to do any. Time: 1 minute
SECRET TIP 9: CLOTHES WASHING (EEWWW) This secret tip is brought
to you by
an inventive teenager. When this teen's mother went on a housekeeping
strike
for a month, the teen discovered you can extend the life of your underwear
by two ...if you turn it wrong side out and, yes, rewear it. CAUTION:
This
tip is recommended only for teens and those who don't care if they
get in a
car wreck. Time: 3 seconds
SECRET TIP 10: IRONING If an article of clothing doesn't require
a full
press and your hair does, a curling iron is the answer. In between
curling
your hair, use the hot wand to iron minor wrinkles out of your clothes.
Yes,
it really does work, or so I'm told, by other disciples of the 30-Minutes-To-A-Clean-House
philosophy. Time: 5 minutes (including curling your hair)
SECRET TIP 11: VACUUMING Stick to the middle of the room, which is
the only
place people look. Don't bother vacuuming under furniture. It takes
way too
long and no one looks there anyway. Time: 5 minutes, entire house;
2 minutes, living room only
SECRET TIP 12: LIGHTING The key here is low, low, and lower. It's
not only
romantic, but bad lighting can hide a multitude of dirt. Time: 10
seconds
SECRET TIP 13: BED MAKING Get an old-fashioned waterbed. No one can
tell if
those things are made up or not, saving you, oh, hundreds of seconds
over
the course of a lifetime. Time: 0
SECRET TIP 14: SHOWERS, TOILETS, AND SINKS Forget one and two. Concentrate
on three. Time: 1 minute
SECRET TIP 15: If you already knew at least 10 of these tips, don't
even
think about inviting a Martha Stewart type to your home.
|
