It's Your Turn to Be Funny #37!

"Can you here me now!????", Sharron Hayward

No, my barber wasn't in on Wednesday!!   Hang on one second, I only have two hands!, Donna

I'm on my way home with the wine dear; I'm on low battery so, bye.", Judy

So tell me shall I dress or come as I am???, Peg O.

No! I cant hear you now!, Brian W

Yes, it is a great swap meet! I traded my three piece suit for some beads, bracelets, a spittoon, skimpy clothes, and some roll-your-own tobacco. Now I look like a Holy Man!, Jim Plummer

"Yeah...sell 500 shares of TechCom and buy 200 of InterWire.", Mike Carderelli

Hi, honey.  The ceremonial dance is going fine.  You need some milk?  I can pick up a cow on the way home., Rachel

All the whining,& crying...All those letters...all the demands.. Santa Claus finally hit bottom. Sun drenched, unkempt, & a new fascination with jewellery... Santa Claus hit with depression from all the pressure, began smoking for his nerves & coincidentally lost his jolly belly as a result., Kimbel

Moses to God: I've lost the tablets! Now what?, Anne Andrews

Yes dear, I'll be home as soon as I get a few more alms from these goobers!, Al.

16-year-old Billy is the proof that smoking does make you look older..., Kyra

hey, I'll meet you down at the Ganges, don't forget your pail! We'll have a great time!, Diana

Hey mom!! Was that 1 or 2 cups of beans ???????????, Roger

Hello, Ash Trays are us.  I asked for the shoulder carry ash tray not the hand carried ash tray., Patrick McCollough

Alright already! I'll take you off the "naughty" list. Now stop calling me. I'm on vacation!, Turnstone

Yes, Operator, I'm STILL holding..., Vicki N Mo

Mom...I think I'm lost, the last I knew, I was working for Fed Ex flying a plane to deliver packages..., Dee

Con yue heer me neow? Gudt!, Mrs. Kmart

Hold on Vijani, I have the Dali Lama, Phillip Morris, and my mother in law on hold... What a day I tell you!!!, Rocky VanBrimmer

Street Beggar Apparel $16.00, Charity Pot $4.00, Cigarette Roll Kit $12.00, Getting caught on your celly......Priceless!, Joe C's Mom

What happens if you go on to Pastor Tim's website too often..., Drew

Santa never recovered from his losses from internet purchases last Christmas.  He even lost his shirt in the deal., Tim Young

Look! How many times do I have to tell you people, even though I look like him, I ain't Moses! Now stop calling!, Tim Fudge

"How are my stocks doing? I knew I should have invested more in elephants.", Julie R.

. . . Yah boss.  You should see the newest part of my "take care of the earth" campaign.  It's a personal ash-catcher for cigarettes, and it even has a convenient carrying handle., Wacko

Hello..?....Mr. President?....I  heard you were looking for Osama Bin Laden......well I think I saw him......., Michelle

"I'm telling you Ickibangwa, the traffic in this village is driving my crazy.", Lindsey Houston

Kenny Rodgers sightseeing on his latest Middle Eastern tour., Jason

The cordless shaver is useless and you have to carry your own ashtray. I'll be glad to get home!, David Rhodes (England)

You told me to come dressed formal and everyone is staring at me!!, Scoch1

Hon? The air-powered car was stolen and my palm pilot and lap-top were in it, along with the memory chip for the slide show for that big business deal!, My mom told me not to  tell!

Hello, police?  I want to report some stolen clothes..., Howling Mad

Hello Ali-Baba's take out. I want an order of wild honey goat ribs to go please., King branko

Sorry dear can you pick up the kids after school, I lost my donkey at the poker game last night, along with a few other things., Hayleigh

No, we have not seen any American Missionaries, Beverly

Dude, where's my car?, Asa Veek

"Can you believe it Mom, they're going to let me take the offering!", William Tell

Hello Honey!  Where did you say you wanted your mother's ashes?, betty from Florida

Yes Dominoes,  I have a coupon for 2 specialty pizzas for 3 pieces of gold.  Make them thin crust goat lovers.  Let me get a side order of goat's milk with that.  And it better be here in 30 minutes or else it's free., Aaron

You have one wish remaining, Rose Beard

"SELL!! SELL!! SELL!!, Judy Capehart

Hello, 'Vices R Us'?  I'm bringing my spittoon in to have some dents dinged out and.....where exactly are you located?, MLM

Frank, hi! I never got to thank you for that stock tip. Talk fast I think their coming to get the phone next., Donald Walsh

OK, so it cost me my shirt, but it came with unlimited long distance AND this free mobile ashtray! I've got to go now, see you at the next march., Mike

rats! another dropped call! I need to get Sprint PCS Clear Digital!, davidgluck@mdk19522000@yahoo.com

After his many movies with Cheech, Chong joined a Buddhist temple but still couldn't break his old habits., El Nino

"I need an appointment for a nail treatment ... some time in the mitts, massaging, base and top coats.", Duchelle

"Do you have that in fuchsia?", Bouhaki

Who are you and why do you keep asking the same question? Of course I can hear you now!, Dan Felixon

This picture describes 9 out 10 Dot Com Offices in a suffering economy, Bob O.

"Sorry Chicky-Baby, the tourist are coming and I've got to go.  You know the show must go on!, J. Hill

I know I told you I wanted to go undercover for the FBI, but this is ridiculous!, switchyfeet

The only things I could save were, the rug phone and my ash tray, Annette Larsen

Well God, yes I did pray for direction in my life, but I wasn't expecting you to call me personally., James

Hi, Honey you are never going to believe this... I woke up...., Collin B.

Spare change for a phone call?, Cathy

Well I know that we're supposed to be anti- American... but what would I do without my cigarettes and cell phone?, Chrisin

Alms!  Alms for the poor! Alms for the...hold on, I think that's my agent..., CornBread