Monthly Archive

July 2011

Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of 1837 of our articles broken down into Months and Years.

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1376

One-liner #0451

“I can see how astronomers figure out the distance of the stars and their size and temperatures and all that, but what really gets me is how they find out what their names are!”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1466

One-liner #0452

“I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1439

One-liner #0453

“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”~Will Rogers... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1413

One-liner #0454

“I doubt, therefore I might be.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1386

One-liner #0455

“I feel sorry for the guy who has to play the world's smallest violin - everybody just thinks he's being sarcastic.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1382

One-liner #0456

“I hope I live to be as old as my jokes.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1460

One-liner #0457

“I just read that YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are merging - it'll be called You-Twit-Face.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1493

One-liner #0458

“I looked at my Christmas tree today and sure enough, I couldn’t see any forests..”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1489

One-liner #0459

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”- Bernard Manning... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1700

One-liner #0460

“I smile because I have no idea what's going on.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1390

One-liner #0461

“I told a girl she drew her eyebrows to high – she looked surprised.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1732

One-liner #0462

“I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1588

One-liner #0463

“I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not sure.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1802

One-liner #0464

“I wish the chemists who successfully removed the lead from gasoline would try the same with our politicians.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1444

One-liner #0465

“I’d work out, but I’m still trying to perfect my ‘before’ picture.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1499

One-liner #0466

“I’ve decided to stop beating around the bush; I'm going to move on to the ornamental shrubbery.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1433

One-liner #0467

“I'd gladly participate in any experiment to test the effect of sudden wealth on an individual.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1457

One-liner #0468

“If a line is the shortest distance between two points, why does waiting in line take so long?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1494

One-liner #0469

“If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1730

One-liner #0470

“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1472

One-liner #0471

“If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit!”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1446

One-liner #0472

“If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1676

One-liner #0473

“If necessity is the mother of invention, I bet MacGyver is the father.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1516

One-liner #0474

“If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1564

One-liner #0475

“If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1467

One-liner #0476

“If you can still do at 60 what you did at 20, it means you weren't doing much at 20.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1473

One-liner #0477

“If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1500

One-liner #0478

“If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say, ’Help, they've turned me into a parrot’, you are wasting everybody's time.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1722

One-liner #0479

“If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.”... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1528

One-liner #0480

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.”... read more..

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