Monthly Archive

July 2011

Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of 1837 of our articles broken down into Months and Years.
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1570

One-liner #0541

“Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1545

One-liner #0542

“Why do the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1526

One-liner #0543

“Why do they have ear piercing while you wait; is there some shop where you can drop them off and pick them up later?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1600

One-liner #0544

“Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1654

One-liner #0545

“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1632

One-liner #0546

“Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1575

One-liner #0547

“Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly ... on a broomstick; we're flexible like that.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1590

One-liner #0548

“You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1610

One-liner #0549

“You know you're getting old when you wonder what you'd feel like if you weren't taking vitamins.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1650

One-liner #0550

“You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1575

One-liner #0551

“You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1642

One-liner #0552

“You're not shy: you're conversationally selective."... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1626

One-liner #0553

“You're only as old as you feel ... the next day.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1628

One-liner #0554

A clean house is a sure sign of a broken computer.... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1569

One-liner #0555

A magazine recently published that in the last census 1.6 percent of the people were not counted....how can they know that?... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1653

One-liner #0556

A new medical study says that meat can almost be as bad for you as smoking - in fact, it's almost as bad as second-hand meat.... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1568

One-liner #0557

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1629

One-liner #0558

A sign in the window: "Any faulty merchandise will be cheerfully replaced with merchandise of equal quality."... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1579

One-liner #0559

A watched clock never boils.... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1651

One-liner #0560

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it.- Buddy Hackett... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1617

One-liner #0561

At pilot's training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you make."... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1581

One-liner #0562

Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1595

One-liner #0563

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1550

One-liner #0564

Beware of buying anything when the manuals are bigger than the equipment.... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1494

One-liner #0565

Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying and he said, "Canned goods and ammunition."... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1562

One-liner #0566

Calories are delicious.... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1611

One-liner #0567

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1656

One-liner #0568

Cats are smarter than dogs - you can't get eight cats to pull a sled thru snow.... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1601

One-liner #0569

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1619

One-liner #0570

Christmas is weird- what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?... read more..