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Monthly Archive

July 2011

Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of 2116 of our articles broken down into Months and Years.
Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2846

Complaint Pun

A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded."He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, ba... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1685

Computer

The best computer is a man, and it's the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1895

Confiscation 1

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
9608

Constitution 2

The Founding Fathers were sitting around a table sometime in 1788, working on the constitution. It had been a long day when Thomas Jefferson said, "Whew! It's getting rather warm in here, isn't it?"... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1923

Contest

There once was a sweepstakes that offered a shopping center as first prize.The Supreme Court, however, ruled the contest illegal, since everyone knows you can't win a mall.... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1901

Contributions

The newspaper where I worked had just announced that when its new building was completed, the old one would be donated to the United Way.A few days later, someone came into our office soliciting contr... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2961

Convent Pun

Outside a small Macedonian village a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of this site of significant historical developments, spanning more than 2,0... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1735

Cooking

To my sweetheart: My cooking's gotten better since I fondue.... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1351

Cooking for Tom

It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The reci... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1296

Cooking Shows

"On cooking shows, there is little margerine of error." read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1743

Costume

I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform."I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I as... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1366

Costume Pun

This guy goes to a Halloween party with a girl on his back."What on earth are you?" asks the host. "I'm a snail," says the guy. "But... you have a girl on your back," replies the host. "Yeah, he says... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1618

Coupon Heaven

While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked dis... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1652

Courtyard Murmuring

On my recent trip to New York, I was walking near a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. So I looked in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said "N I L".White-rob... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1560

Cow Pun

What do you get from a pampered cow?Spoiled milk.... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
3418

Coyote / Flea

What is the difference between a coyote and a flea?One howls on the prairie and the other prowls on the hairy.... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1844

Crime Pun

"Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop.The lady complied, and the judge next day fined her twenty-five dollars.She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her chequebo read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1490

Criminal Attorney

Walking into the local chamber of commerce, the stranger obviously looked desperate. He approached the guy at the counter and asked, "Is there a criminal attorney in town?"The guy behind the counter r... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
4485

Cross Pun

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?Someone who stays awake all night wondering if there is a dog.... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
3594

Cross-eyed Teacher

A cross-eyed teacher in Surrey has been sacked.He couldn't control his pupils.... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1935

Crossing Pun

Road signs are a real indication of what an area is like. In Virginia you have signs saying DEER CROSSING. At Yellowstone you have signs saying BEAR CROSSING. In Africa you have signs saying ELEPHA... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
3199

Curious Chimp

Passing by the primate area one day, a zoo attendant happens to notice a chimpanzee sitting on a rock with an open book in either hand, looking first at one and then at the other.Upon closer examinati... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2217

Customs Declaration

After telling the customs agent he had nothing in his bags but clothing, Mark was alarmed when the official decided to open them up and check. In the very first one she opened, cushioned between his s... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
2089

Damsel Dress

Once upon a time an evil king captured a beautiful princess and held her hostage in his high tower. Though she was very beautiful he forced her to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress."You'll nev... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1741

Dance Request

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty senior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child.""Please forgive me," r... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1583

Date Pun

Every calendar's days are numbered.... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1559

Dating

Two elderly gentlemen were visiting. "I guess you're never too old," the first one boasted. "Why just yesterday a pretty college girl said she'd be interested in dating me but to be perfectly honest, ... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
4928

Daycare Pun

A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University.The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1601

Daylight Driving

Ever wonder why some people won't drive during daylight hours in a certain part of California?It's 'cause their doctors told them to stay out of the sun to avoid car Sonoma.... read more..

Clean Puns
Pastor Tim
1893

Defence Contractor

My job is in the aerospace industry, and it's always been a challenge to explain what kind of work I do.At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as ... read more..

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