Monthly Archive

"If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!" read more..

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures." - Irish Proverb read more..

"The trouble with wishful thinking is that it's usually 99% wishful and 1% thinking." read more..

"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days." - Garrison Keillor read more..

"A boy's mind is a wonderful thing. It starts working the minute he gets up and never stops until he gets to school." read more..

"The scientific theory I Iike best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline Luggage." - Mark Russell read more..

"Sometimes the squeaky wheel gets oiled, sometimes it gets replaced." read more..

"Men want power in order to do something. Boys want power in order to be something." -- Eric Sevareid (1912-1992), US newscaster - CBS News read more..

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." read more..

"If your mind goes blank, don't forget to turn off the sound." read more..

"Don't approach a goat from the front, a horse from the back, or a fool from any side." read more..

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable we are forced to change it every six months." read more..

"If at first you don't succeed, try again, then quit. No use being stupid about it." read more..

"Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is probably parked." read more..

"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." - Kevin James read more..

"People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000." - Texas Ranger baseball player Pete Incaviglia read more..

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." - Charles Lamb read more..

"I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet." - Erma Bombeck read more..

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity." - Albert Einstein read more..

"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money." - Henny Youngman read more..

"Every path has some puddles." read more..

"The lesser of two evils is still evil." read more..

"The older you get, you're just too tired to care about the same things. Rock concerts...I used to camp out for tickets. Now you could tell me Barbra Streisand is playing for free down the street, and read more..

"If you have an open mind some people are liable to try to use it as a garbage can." read more..

"It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit." - Harry S Truman read more..

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples." - George Burns read more..

"The telephone company is urging people to please not use the telephone unless it is absolutely necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this break read more..

"Experience is a wonderful thing - it enables you to recognize a mistake every time you repeat it." read more..

"The main problem with old age is that you don't grow out of it." read more..

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, ta read more..