OK, so here I am in brand new territory. The previous 17 posts have completely told the story of the freedom God has brought into the life of this simple child of His.
Back at the beginning my intention was to “– tell the story
Well now that the story has been told, my constant question over the last month and a half is “Where to go from here?”
Tim and I have been carrying substantial consumer debt for about ten years. It began as a failed business idea many years ago, and has carried on from there as something we just couldn’t get ourselves out of. To see the profile of our debt you would see a lot of up and down as we either made some headway or lost ground yet it has a relentless upward incline as the years progressed. I hate debt and would sometimes become so overwhelmed at the hopelessness of it all I would spiral down into complete despair. Tim’s perspective was that since our equity was greater, the debt wasn’t a really big deal but my despair was a big deal and that put a lot of pressure on him.
We had tried so many times over the years to get a handle on it, but inevitably the huge emotion I carried made it impossible for me to approach the topic objectively, and since Tim was already doing everything in his power to make it better, he was only defensive. And so we carried on… stuck… sometimes making headway, more often losing ground… always stuck.
“There are those who… do not bless their mothers.”
In His grace, God was leading me to deal with the impaired, unhealthy relationship I’ve had with my Mom to bring His wholeness, healing and ultimately even more life to me.
I’ve spent many years intrigued by Jesus’ question of Bartimaeus when he cried out “Have mercy on me!” Now as I read the same story, there’s a well of emotion that easily brings tears to my eyes. The desperate tenaciousness of Bartimaeus and the loving compassion of my Savior mirror what I’ve seen Him do in my life too – and so the tears of thankfulness and empathy. This is the story as told in Mark chapter 10:
This next part of my journey to freedom involves my relationship with my mom. In all my previous blog-posts when my story directly involves someone else, I’ve asked them to read what I’ve written before it is posted so I can edit anything they are not comfortable with before it goes public. Unfortunately, I can’t do that this time. Mom is alive, but she’s had a number of strokes which have affected her mind. So in lieu of my mom, I asked my sister to read it. She thought I should post it.
Still I hesitate… I guess I need you to know a few things from the beginning:
With these things in mind, I continue …