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    Carry A Flashlight

    A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin."Is it true…
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    After Me

    "I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "Three companies are after me." "Is…
  • Last Minute Turkey

    Last Minute Turkey

    It's the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on…
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    Computer Acronyms

    For those computer literate souls out there: ISDN - It Still Does Nothing APPLE -…
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    Enjoyment of Food

    Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very upscale French…
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    Happy Eggs

    One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for…
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    --- WARNING, DANGER! ---

    --- WARNING, DANGER! --- I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering…
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    Lodge Meeting

    The wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left.She…
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    Computer Help Desk

    Heard by the computer help desk:A customer couldn't get on the Internet:Helpdesk: "Are…
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    Cow Legs

    Did you hear of the little boy who came home from kindergarten with a blue ribbon. When…
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    Auction Parrot

    One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this…
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    Homework Policy

    Here is an explanation of the school homework policy: Students should not spend more than…
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    Expecting

    A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following…
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    Construction Noise

    During a beautiful spring afternoon, I was attending a music festival. Just as I stopped…
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    Stone's Throw

    A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location."It's only a stone's throw away…

sports balls"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." 
--Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle"
--Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
--Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker.

"You guys line up alphabetically by height"
--Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
--Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements

"I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class."
--George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
--Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
-- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece.

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