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    Top Ten Things You NEVER Want to Hear the Orkin Man Say

    10. "EEEEEKKK!!!!!!" 9. "Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!!…
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    Turkey Shopping

    It was Christmas Eve in a supermarket and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few…
  • family time

    Supporting a Family

    Jake had proposed to young Gina and was being interviewed by his prospective…
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    Intercom Repair

    My friend's son worked at a fast-food restaurant when he was in high school. One night…
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    Baby Talk

    What your baby would tell you if he could talk:1. I have my blankie, you have your…
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    Child Perspective on Retirement

    A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the…
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    Picnic Pains

    The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her…
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    Genetically Modified Food

    Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food: *Your hot dog…
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    Three Important Words

    At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married…
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    Understanding Your Paycheck

    Gross pay: $1222.02 Income Tax Outgo Tax State Tax Interstate Tax244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89…
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    Pillsbury Dough Boy Dead at 71

    Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He…
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    Miscellaneous Goobers

    GOOBERS AT WORK - I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk…
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    Exam Help

    The final exam in electrical engineering worried my son, Don. On the last day of class,…
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    Last Minute Suggestions

    Automotive Gift Suggestions - Just in Time for Last Minute Christmas ShoppingIf you have…
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    Bad Sign

    A little boy just couldn't learn. One day his teacher asked him who signed the…

sports balls"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." 
--Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle"
--Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
--Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker.

"You guys line up alphabetically by height"
--Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
--Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements

"I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class."
--George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
--Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
-- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece.

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