logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Mother Ring

    While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman who gave me my medication was…
  • Default Image

    Before and After Children

    *Before and After Children*BEFORE Children: I was thankful for the opportunity to…
  • Default Image

    New Boater

    This past summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of…
  • Default Image

    Perfect

    There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a…
  • Default Image

    Calling In Sick

    Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of…
  • chef bad

    You Know You Are a Bad Cook When…

    - You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer. - You consider it a culinary success if the…
  • Default Image

    Stain Glass

    An area pastor tells of his first Sunday in the new parish and presenting the children's…
  • Default Image

    Hunting Feedback

    I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a…
  • Default Image

    Efficient Breakfast

    The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to…
  • Default Image

    Name Confusion

    Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed…
  • Default Image
  • businessman blamed for long speech

    20 Minutes of Eternity

    The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention so he asked one of his…
  • Default Image

    Largest Amphibious Assault

    I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What…
  • Default Image

    Afraid of The Dark

    A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back…
  • Default Image

    Things Mom Doesn't Want To Hear

    "Mom's List Of Things She Does Not Want To Hear"1. I swallowed the goldfish.2. Your…

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
Examples: Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots & Tootsie Rolls.

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.

9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples are: Spinach & Pistachio Ice Cream; Mushrooms & Mashed Potatoes.

10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We all know how calories like to cling!!)

REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS.

Powered By JFBConnect