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More Jokes

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    Come and Get Me

    My brother dropped off his wife at the hairstylist and she was supposed to call me when…
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    Salt Lake vs. Denver

    I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the…
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    Love Campaign

    The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite…
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    Police Baste

    A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to…
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    The Importance of Correct Punctuation

    We've all been told how important it is to use correct punctuation. Well, here is a…
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    Computer Error

    I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come…
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    Senior Ailments

    A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: "My arms are…
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    Gift Diamonds

    Morris ran into Jacob while shopping at the mall the other day in front of one of the…
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    In the Fitting Room

    My girlfriend took her five-year-old daughter shopping with her. The little girl watched…
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    Green Side Up

    A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her.…
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    Happy Songs

    A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to…
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    AMAP

    The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee. "I…
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    Suck It In

    I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach.…
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    In the Dorm

    In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights: dousing and…
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    Temperance River

    A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had…
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
....  without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
....  you cheap slob!

I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.

COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.

I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.

YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.
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