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    Artist's Sketch

    Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau. The intruder got…
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    Cats

    "There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.""In a cat's eye, all things…
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    Getting Ready

    A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey,…
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    Boat 99

    At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his…
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    Famous Last Words

    * Don't turn it on yet, it's not quite ready.* Step back a bit, I can't get you in the…
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    How Gevernment Works

    Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress…
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    *Food Spoilage Tests For Bachelors*

    THE GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you…
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    Strange 911 Calls

    *Strange 911 Calls*A call came into 911 Emergency because two couples were going to share…
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    Medical Bill Call

    Many patients call the pathology group where I am office manager to discuss their medical…
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    First Words

    The eight-year old boy had never spoken a word-ever. One afternoon, as he sat eating his…
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    Scared vs. Apprehension

    As a sergeant in a parachute regiment, I took part in several night-time exercises. Once,…
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    Rookies

    A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A…
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    Things You Will Never Hear

    Things you'll never hear a man say: 1) Here honey, you use the remote. 2) Ooh, Antonio…
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    Airborne Recruiting

    After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could…
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    Army Fib

    While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old…
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
....  without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
....  you cheap slob!

I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.

COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.

I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.

YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.
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