logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

A Mother's Letter to Her Son

A Mother's Letter to Her Son

My Dear Son:

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive.  I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast.  You won't know the house when you come home; we've moved.  It was a lot of trouble moving.  The most difficult was the bed...you see the man wouldn't let us take it in one piece.  It wouldn't have been too bad if your father hadn't been sleeping in it at the time.

About your father, he has a lovely new job.  He has 500 men under him.  He's cutting the grass in the cemetery.

Your sister got herself engaged to that fellow she's been going out with.  He gave her a beautiful new ring, with three stones missing.

Our neighbors, the Browns, started to keep pigs.  We got wind of it this morning.  I got my appendix out and a dishwasher put in.  There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in but it isn't working too good.  I put 4 shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen the shirts since.

Your little brother came home from school yesterday crying.  All the boys in the school have new suits.  We can't afford to buy him a new suit, but we are going to buy him a new hat and let him look out of the window.

Your sister had a baby this morning.  I haven't heard yet if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle yet.  Your uncle Buck was drowned in a vat of whiskey last week.  Four of his workmates dived in to save him, but he fought them off bravely.  We cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.

Your father didn't have much to drink for Christmas.  I put a pint of castor oil in his pint of beer.  It kept him going till New Year's day.

I went to the Dr.  on Thursday: your father came with me.  The Dr.  put a small glass tube in my mouth and told me not to open it for 10 minutes.  Your father offered to buy it from him.  It only rained twice since last week.  First for three days and them for four days.  It was so windy on Monday one of our chickens laid the same egg four times.
We had a letter from the undertaker.  He said if the last instalment wasn't paid on your grandmother within seven days, up she comes.  I must close now because someone is coming to repair the pipes and there is a shocking smell.

Your loving Mother, PS I was going to send you $10 but I had already sealed the envelope.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • picture of a grandfather

    Grandpa's Manners

    "Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?"…
  • Default Image

    Question and Answer

    A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.On the paper…
  • Default Image

    That's It

    A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece…
  • Default Image

    Love Campaign

    The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite…
  • a picture of home

    No Place Like Home

    While I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table, and we started…
  • Default Image

    Doctor in the House

    A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in…
  • Default Image

    Movie Impatience

    We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it…
  • If General Motors had a car help line

    Car Help Line

    General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because…
  • Default Image

    School Daze

    It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from…
  • Default Image

    Sick At Church

    Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden vomit…
  • Default Image

    Fast Driver

    My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we…
  • bush plane picture

    Goober Hunters Flying

    Two Goober hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were…
  • picture of old speedometer

    Missing Car Parts

    A goober calls 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is…
  • Default Image

    Waiting For A Table

    When my husband and I showed up at a very popular restaurant, it was crowded. I went up…
  • Default Image

    Flight Advice

    On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was…