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More Jokes

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    Survivalist Training

    A Scoutmaster was teaching his Boy Scouts about survival in the Alaskan wilderness. "What…
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    Fishing Wife

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    Family Picnic

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    Ah, Newlyweds

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    Smuggler Prosecution

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    The FBI Orders Pizza

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    Two Kids

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    New Employee Orientation

    Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a high-tech company. During the welcoming…
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    The War of the Navels

    The War of the Navels People have navels of different kinds,Ineys and outeys, to that…
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    Tired and Thirsty

    Three students are leaving their last classes of the day.The law student is thinking,…
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    Instructions for Microsoft's New TV Dinner

    You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honour…
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    Mother's Flu

    (Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by her meaning husband.) Monday…
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    Dead Politicians

    A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone. The bus driver, caught…
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    Remember The Elderly

    The following is a letter received by a pastor from an 86 year old lady. The lady…
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    Flower Switch

    A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for…

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine.  These special phrases are also applicable to anyone working on a Ph.D.  dissertation or academic paper anywhere!

  • "It has long been known"...  I didn't look up the original reference.
  • "A definite trend is evident"...  These data are practically meaningless.
  • "While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions"...  An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
  • "Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study"...  The other results didn't make any sense.
  • "Typical results are shown"...  This is the prettiest graph.
  • "These results will be in a subsequent report"...  I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
  • "In my experience"...  once "In case after case"...  twice "In a series of cases"...  thrice "It is believed that"...  I think.
  • "It is generally believed that"...  A couple of others think so, too.
  • "Correct within an order of magnitude"...  Wrong.
  • "According to statistical analysis"...  Rumor has it.
  • "A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings"...  A wild guess.
  • "A careful analysis of obtainable data"...  Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop.
  • "It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs"...  I don't understand it.
  • "After additional study by my colleagues"...  They don't understand it either.
  • "Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions"...  Mr.  Blotz did the work and Ms.  Adams explained to me what it meant.
  • "A highly significant area for exploratory study"...  A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
  • "It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field"...  I quit.
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