More Jokes

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    Turtle Ears

    Tradition here in the office is to keep a notepad with the punch lines from the various…
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    Rolls-Royce Loaner

    When I arrived at a friend's home for a party, my old rattletrap looked pretty shabby…
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    One Room School

    The board of education in a nearby town sold off a building that had been a one-room…
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    Funeral Weather

    As with many funerals, it was a cloudy, rainy day.The deceased was a little old lady who…
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    Grandpa's Day Out

    Grandpa's Day Out A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa…
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    Texas Vacation

    A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a…
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    Robber Visit

    A man was sleeping soundly when his wife shook him and said, "Wake up, someone is…
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    Dignified Exit

    One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed…
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    College Laundry

    My son Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He…
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    Quips to Ponder

    If your life takes a turn for the worse, remember that you are the one who is driving! My…
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    Border Declaration

    Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to…
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    How You Can Tell It's Going to Be a Rotten Day

    -You wake up face down on the pavement. -You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on…
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    Riding With Grandma

    One evening I was driving my eight-year-old daughter to her grandparents' home for an…
  • Dog Waits for Owner

    Missing You

    Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the…
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    Birthday Wish

    A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday."I'd like a little…

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine.  These special phrases are also applicable to anyone working on a Ph.D.  dissertation or academic paper anywhere!

  • "It has long been known"...  I didn't look up the original reference.
  • "A definite trend is evident"...  These data are practically meaningless.
  • "While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions"...  An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
  • "Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study"...  The other results didn't make any sense.
  • "Typical results are shown"...  This is the prettiest graph.
  • "These results will be in a subsequent report"...  I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
  • "In my experience"...  once "In case after case"...  twice "In a series of cases"...  thrice "It is believed that"...  I think.
  • "It is generally believed that"...  A couple of others think so, too.
  • "Correct within an order of magnitude"...  Wrong.
  • "According to statistical analysis"...  Rumor has it.
  • "A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings"...  A wild guess.
  • "A careful analysis of obtainable data"...  Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop.
  • "It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs"...  I don't understand it.
  • "After additional study by my colleagues"...  They don't understand it either.
  • "Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions"...  Mr.  Blotz did the work and Ms.  Adams explained to me what it meant.
  • "A highly significant area for exploratory study"...  A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
  • "It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field"...  I quit.
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