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    Check Signing

    Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and…
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    Old Red

    Red Buttons, appearing on Dennis Miller's Show, announced he was 80 years old but that 80…
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    Correct Response

    While in an instrument flight-training class at Reese Air Force Base, Texas, I dozed off…
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    Cars Wars

    A limousine had encountered a red traffic light and was waiting for it to change when a…
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    What's it Take?

    "What do you have to do to become a doctor?" my six-year-old granddaughter once asked.Her…
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    Finishing

    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So…
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    Pillar Interruption

    The Sunday School teacher described how Lot's wife looked back at Sodom and was turned…
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    Funny Answering Machines

    "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very…
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    Coverup Catch

    This guy had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without…
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    14 Letters

    Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence…
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    One-Liners

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Nothing in the known universe…
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    Science Quotes from Kids - Part 1

    ~ One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one…
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    40 Year Solution

    My parents have been married for almost 40 years. Whenever anyone asks my Dad how they've…
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    Gravity Situation

    I saw a report recently, about how gravity, which is a non-renewable resource, is…

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine.  These special phrases are also applicable to anyone working on a Ph.D.  dissertation or academic paper anywhere!

  • "It has long been known"...  I didn't look up the original reference.
  • "A definite trend is evident"...  These data are practically meaningless.
  • "While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions"...  An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
  • "Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study"...  The other results didn't make any sense.
  • "Typical results are shown"...  This is the prettiest graph.
  • "These results will be in a subsequent report"...  I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
  • "In my experience"...  once "In case after case"...  twice "In a series of cases"...  thrice "It is believed that"...  I think.
  • "It is generally believed that"...  A couple of others think so, too.
  • "Correct within an order of magnitude"...  Wrong.
  • "According to statistical analysis"...  Rumor has it.
  • "A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings"...  A wild guess.
  • "A careful analysis of obtainable data"...  Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop.
  • "It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs"...  I don't understand it.
  • "After additional study by my colleagues"...  They don't understand it either.
  • "Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions"...  Mr.  Blotz did the work and Ms.  Adams explained to me what it meant.
  • "A highly significant area for exploratory study"...  A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
  • "It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field"...  I quit.
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