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    Swanky Dining

    The couple entered the resort's swanky dining room. "I'm sorry," apologized the Maitre d,…
  • classroom

    Actual Elementary School Excuse Notes

    * "Jerry was at his grandmother's yesterday, and she did not bring him to school because…
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    Cookie Calories

    A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store to help him buy groceries. In…
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    Typo Apology

    "We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme…
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    Number Eighteen

    A first-time prisoner is placed in his cell with a cellmate. Before long it is time for…
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    Charm School 101

    At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm…
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    With Friends Like That...

    A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day. That night one…
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    What He Says - What He Means

    What He Says - What He Means"I'm going fishing."Really means: "I'm going to stand by a…
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    Wacky Warnings

    Here are the top five winning entries in the Wacky Warning Labels contest, sponsored by…
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    Car Sale

    Judi tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the…
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    Jonah Test

    A little girl was observed by her pastor standing outside the pre-school Sunday School…
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    Congratulations "Good" News!

    * The parachute company says you'll get a full refund. * They say the house didn't float…
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    Three Times Seven

    Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The…
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    Head Check

    One weekend my friend Sally, a nurse, was looking after her six-year-old nephew when he…
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    Talking Surprise

    On a hot summer day, a farmer and his dog were riding in a wagon pulled by two horses.…

The following are actual medical records taken from patients' charts around North America:

- The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

- Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

- The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

- She is numb from her toes down.

- While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

- The patient was to have a bowel resection.  However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

- Patient was alert and unresponsive.

- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

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