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    Banking Woes

    The girl came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial…
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    ER Reminder

    I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my…
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    Helping Out

    For a while my husband and I had opposite schedules. He worked during the day, and I…
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    Out Of Office Replies

    I don't know about you, but I find those "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-replies so…
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    Family Picnic

    The service area was located on a main highway leading to the beach. The pump attendant…
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    Actual Signs

    Bucharest Hotel Lobby - "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time you…
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    Texas Vacation

    A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a…
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    Men's Thesaurus

    "IT'S A GUY THING"Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it,…
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    Keep Walking

    An eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him.…
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    Travelling Too Light

    A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in…
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    Wait Watching

    Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her…
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    Cast Your Bread

    My mom, a difficult independent, likes sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day…
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    Egg Timing

    A friend of mine, a new bride, was on her honeymoon and spent one night at her spouse's…
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    Computer Repair

    An office technician got a call from a computer user. The user told the tech that her…
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    Hiccups

    While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By…

The following are actual medical records taken from patients' charts around North America:

- The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

- Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

- The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

- She is numb from her toes down.

- While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

- The patient was to have a bowel resection.  However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

- Patient was alert and unresponsive.

- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

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