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    Chinese Knitting

    Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Peyton Manning is to football. She designed…
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    Ticketing Mom?

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    Analytical Gunfighters

    Two analytical chemists in the Wild West are on the town's main street, ready to draw…
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    Phone Calls

    Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator: I'm…
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    Top Ten Y2K Survivalists To Do Lis

    10. Apologize to neighbors about the tripwire incident...offer to replace dog. 9. Take up…
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    Mom's Bath Note

    Dear Kids, Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath.…
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    Bob's MG

    I was driving the other day and came up on a VW Beetle with a license plate reading 'BOBS…
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    Colorful Grandma

    I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I…
  • combination lock

    Combination Faith

    The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the…
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    Ticket Excuse

    Philadelphia's Highway Patrol officers hear all kinds of creative excuses that drivers…
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    Insured Voice

    A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in…
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    Education At Work

    "What's the usual tip?" a man growled when, Jason, a college student delivered his pizza.…
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    Tired Son

    A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back…
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    Chess Playing Dog

    A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He…
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    Camping with Holmes

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of…

The following are actual medical records taken from patients' charts around North America:

- The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

- Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

- The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

- She is numb from her toes down.

- While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

- The patient was to have a bowel resection.  However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

- Patient was alert and unresponsive.

- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

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