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    Pierced Ears

    The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly…
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    Backwoods Delivery

    Deep in the backwoods, the goober's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and…
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    Wireless Security

    How to install a wireless security system:Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's…
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    Dieting Buddies

    Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on…
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    Published Sermons

    After a particularly inspiring worship service, a church member greeted the pastor.…
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    Absent Minded Professor

    One of the world's greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded…
  • violin

    The Violin

    Little Hope was practicing the violin in the living room while her father was trying to…
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    Special Delivery

    It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss…
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    Stuff You Don't Want To Hear From Tech Support

    *Stuff You Don't Want To Hear From Tech Support*"Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick…
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    The End of Speeding?

    A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer…
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    Scale Convention

    At the scale manufacturers' convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on…
  • high tea

    Two Teas

    1st customer: I'll have tea. 2nd customer: Me, too. And be sure the cup is clean! (The…
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    Speeding Hymns

    If you MUST speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly:at 45 mph.... "God Will Take…
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    Snack Costs

    My friends and I had joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor…
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    Beef Prices

    It's a summer holiday weekend and a man walks into a butcher shop which has a sign in the…

Bucharest Hotel Lobby - "The lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time you will be unbearable."

Leipzig elevator - "Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit up"

Belgrade elevator - "To move the cabin, push forward for wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number for a wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically by national order"

Paris elevator - "Please leave your values at the front desk."

Athenian hotel - "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of....."

Moscow Hotel - "You are invited to visit the cemetery where famous Soviet composers, authors and artists are buried daily except Thursday."

Austrian ski hotel - "Do not perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."

Swiss menu - "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

Polish menu - "Salad of firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."

Hong Kong dress shop - "Ladies have fits upstairs."

Rhodes tailor shop - "Order your summer suit because it is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

Germany's Black Forest - "It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married together for that reason."

Swedish furrier - "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."

Japanese detour sign - "Stop: Drive sideways."

Swiss mountain inn - "Special today - no ice cream."

Copenhagen airline office - "We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Budapest zoo - "Please do not feed the animals.  If you have suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

Acapulco hotel - "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

Japanese air conditioner - "Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."

Tokyo car rental firm - "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigour."

Norwegian cocktail bar - "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar"

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