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Bucharest Hotel Lobby - "The lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time you will be unbearable."

Leipzig elevator - "Do not enter the lift backwards and only when lit up"

Belgrade elevator - "To move the cabin, push forward for wishing floor.  If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number for a wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically by national order"

Paris elevator - "Please leave your values at the front desk."

Athenian hotel - "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of....."

Moscow Hotel - "You are invited to visit the cemetery where famous Soviet composers, authors and artists are buried daily except Thursday."

Austrian ski hotel - "Do not perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."

Swiss menu - "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

Polish menu - "Salad of firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."

Hong Kong dress shop - "Ladies have fits upstairs."

Rhodes tailor shop - "Order your summer suit because it is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

Germany's Black Forest - "It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married together for that reason."

Swedish furrier - "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."

Japanese detour sign - "Stop: Drive sideways."

Swiss mountain inn - "Special today - no ice cream."

Copenhagen airline office - "We take your bags and send them in all directions.

Budapest zoo - "Please do not feed the animals.  If you have suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

Acapulco hotel - "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

Japanese air conditioner - "Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."

Tokyo car rental firm - "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigour."

Norwegian cocktail bar - "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar"

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