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More Jokes

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    The Place for Grace

    When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away."Johnny wait until we…
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    School Notes

    The following notes from parents excusing their children from attending school have been…
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    The Cautious Pilot

    Taxiing down the tarmac, a jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the…
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    Hmmmm... Ham Sandwich

    As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce…
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    Saintly Sons

    Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He…
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    Think!

    In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed a sign directly above the…
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    What Is That?

    A young man who left his home in Texas at an early age, finally purchased his own ranch…
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    One Hard Question

    There was a student who wanted to be admitted to the University.He was smart enough to…
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    Elderly Couple Sharing

    A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that…
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    Paid For Standing

    The owner of a manufacturing firm decided to make a surprise tour of the factory. Walking…
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    Vice President Pride

    Tom was very excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for…
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    Three Legged Chicken

    A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken. He was…
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    Doctor Visit

    A guy walks into a Doctor's office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle out…
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    Cake Make Up

    On Coast Guard cutters, low-ranking crewmembers take turns in the galley helping the…

~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.  But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

~ There are three signs of old age.  The first is your loss of memory.
I forget the other two.

~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.

~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.  Isn't that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?

~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

~ It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down

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