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More Jokes

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    Engine Failure

    Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced,…
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    Salesman Jig

    My husband and I had bought some gadgets for our almost teen-age grandsons and were…
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    Office Visit

    A middle-aged man walks into a psychologist's office wearing a dancer's tutu, flippers…
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    Abstract Noun

    "An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch…
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    Build It and They Will Come

    The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and…
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    George W. meets Moses

    George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a…
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    Favorite Animal

    Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said…
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    Melanie is Watching

    One day while driving with my then 4 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by…
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    Movie Critic

    I overheard two children discussing their selection in the video area of a store. One boy…
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    Parachute Charity

    I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of…
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    Cake Question

    While working at Baskin-Robbins, I helped a woman, who was full of questions about the…
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    Letter Pride

    One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student. "Why,…
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    Young Guy's "BG"

    At Andersen Air Force Base, Guam, a man in civilian clothes approached an airman and…
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    Bicycle Accidents

    In the early 1990's, when I was stationed at Caserma Carlo Ederle in Italy, it was very…
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    Chicken Farming

    A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city…

~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.  But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

~ There are three signs of old age.  The first is your loss of memory.
I forget the other two.

~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.

~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.  Isn't that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?

~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

~ It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down

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