logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Aging

~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.  But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

~ There are three signs of old age.  The first is your loss of memory.
I forget the other two.

~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.

~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.  Isn't that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?

~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

~ It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Happy Songs

    A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to…
  • Default Image

    Carrier Landings

    Any naval aviator will tell you that landing a plane on an aircraft carrier is THE most…
  • Default Image

    Frazzled Doctor

    As soon as I stepped into the urgent-care facility in my hometown, I could see the place…
  • Default Image

    Men, Dogs, Women

    1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same Both take up too much space on the bed.Both have…
  • Default Image

    An Honest Golfer

    About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a…
  • Default Image

    Mouse Mom

    A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks…
  • Default Image

    What's Good Tonight?

    Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to…
  • Default Image

    Who's the Boss?

    The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any…
  • Default Image

    Shirt Note

    The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a lady-killer, and was delighted to find a note…
  • computer keyboard

    F1 - Help

    My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon when he noticed a…
  • Default Image

    Movie Breakout

    A fellow took his girlfriend to the movies. During the previews, she asked him if he…
  • Default Image

    New Car Warning

    A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his…
  • Default Image

    ATM Correction

    My father began teaching business classes at the local prison through a community…
  • Default Image

    Stolen Goat

    The following is a quote from a director of sports information in the Navy, regarding the…
  • Default Image

    Toucan Yell

    Driving along an outback road in Australia, I spied an exotic bird flying overhead. The…