More Jokes

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    100 GB

    Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the…
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    The Half Cake Diet

    A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight.She'd made her family's…
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    Because I Am A Guy

    Because I am A Guy... ..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I…
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    Its On The Way

    A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any…
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    College Cure

    Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other,…
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    Mother And Child

    A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly…
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    Electrical Officer

    My daughter is an electrical officer on a carrier. Recently I asked her what her duties…
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    The Pledge

    Grandpa Cartnell was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how…
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    Heavy Housework

    Smith goes to see his supervisor. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning…
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    Baby Help

    Nancy's nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place…
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    Special Message

    "Skipper," the sailor said to his captain as he saluted, "A special message just came in…
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    Family Cleaning

    Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed…
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    Cow Horns

    "Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city on…
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    Three Mothers

    Three mothers are sitting on a park bench talking about (what else?) how much their sons…
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    Vet Come Back

    Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one…

~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.  But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

~ There are three signs of old age.  The first is your loss of memory.
I forget the other two.

~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.

~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.  Isn't that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?

~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

~ It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down

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