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  • hat in_the_cold

    Tim Robbed

    One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the…
  • loveyou

    If You Love Something Variations

    THE ORIGINAL VERSION:If you love something,Set it free...If it comes back, it's yours;If…
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    Five Things You Do Not Want to Hear when Calling Tech Support

    1. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"2. In layman's term, we call that the "Hindenburg Effect."3. "Your…
  • Default Image

    Ancestry

    The following was overheard at a recent 'high society' party."My ancestry goes back all…
  • mayan calender

    End of Mayan Calendar

    Several thousand years ago... Mayan one: "Okay guys I've finished the calender!" Mayan…
  • Default Image

    Army Drab

    My husband wore his Army uniform with pride. One day, coming home from the base and…
  • Default Image

    Liturgical Response

    In our Anglican church, each service begins with a greeting. The officiating clergyman…
  • Default Image

    Teaching Math

    Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. I handed the cashier $2.00 and started digging…
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    Towel Misunderstanding

    One day a child at my four-year-old's Sunday school class told her classmates that she…
  • Default Image

    Gators!

    While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim,…
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    Wedding Blessing

    At a wedding ceremony that I was performing, I raised my hand to give the final…
  • picture of a winter cabin

    Trapper's Stove

    An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern…
  • Default Image

    Early

    Ok, what is the deal with "The early bird gets the worm"? He gets up early, and all he…
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    Personalized Plate

    While waiting in line at the Department of Vehicle Services for my personalized license…
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    Exact Address

    Torrential rainstorms were knocking down power lines all over town. That meant, as a…

Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containters:

1.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

2.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a goober.

3.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

4.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-girlfriends are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

6.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

7.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

8.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.

9.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

10.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

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