logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Alcohol Consumption Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containters:

1.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

2.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a goober.

3.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

4.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-girlfriends are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

6.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

7.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.

8.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.

9.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

10.  Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Talking Dog

    A guy is driving around Wadsworth, Ohio and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking…
  • Default Image

    Analogies and Metaphors

    These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.- John and Mary had…
  • Default Image

    Bagpipe Jokes

    Relax, they aren't that bad - it's just joking about them that's fun. Q. What's the…
  • fire station

    Fire Test

    Joey and his classmates had just finished a tour of the local fire hall. Before each…
  • Default Image

    Training Courses Now Available for Men

    1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop 2. Introduction to Common…
  • showerhead

    Too Distant / Too Close

    The showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To…
  • roofers

    Cinderoofer

    When my children received the video of Cinderella as a summer gift, they watched it…
  • Default Image

    Fishing Advice

    Two buddies are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then, another…
  • Default Image

    Refueling

    Once my wife and I had to take a flight that had 4 other stops before arriving at the…
  • Default Image

    High Tech Flying

    The passengers on the jetliner were relaxing in their seats for the long flight. The…
  • Default Image

    Parrot Strings

    A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in…
  • Default Image

    Computer One-liners - Part 1

    Computer One-liners - Part 1Hard Disk space: the final frontier!Hardware: The parts of a…
  • Default Image

    NRA Thanksgiving

    Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family had received a Thanksgiving card with a…
  • man shopping

    Can't Take It With You

    "You just go ahead," the man in the shopping mall said to his wife. "While you're…
  • Default Image

    Meet the Parents

    A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my…