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    Tired Son

    A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back…
  • violin

    The Violin

    Little Hope was practicing the violin in the living room while her father was trying to…
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    62nd Birthday

    My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I…
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    Card Name

    Those of us who worked at the front desk of a convention hotel in Williamsburg, Va.,…
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    Special Delivery

    It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss…
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    Exercise Program

    Here's the exercise program I'm using to stay in shape this year. You might want to take…
  • computer-keyboard

    Computer Acronyms

    For those computer literate souls out there: ISDN - It Still Does Nothing APPLE -…
  • phone-old-school

    It Sure Is

    An elderly couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband…
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    Giuseppe Spomdalucci

    To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After…
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    Shovel Need

    One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have…
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    The French Legionnaires

    There's these two French Legionnaires in the desert, and they've been separated from…
  • picture of a makeup kit

    Beauty Cosmetics

    Todd's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years…
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    Inclusive Poster

    Anxious to include as many minorities, religions and disabilities as possible, the human…
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    Wrong Guard

    It was in the early 1960's and spray deodorant, new to the market, was being advertised…
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    Stolen Turkey

    Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I…

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.

- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

- Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

- Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

- The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

- It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

- Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

- She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

- Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

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