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More Jokes

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    Pink Humvees

    Our division had to repaint our Humvees to a sand color for Desert Storm. The result was…
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    Perfect

    There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a…
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    Removing The Dents

    A goober left his car out in a hail storm. When the storm was over he checked the car and…
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    Parking Space Sign Language

    After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping…
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    Dog Stop

    Two dogs were walking down the street. The one dog says to the other, "Wait here a…
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    A Diet For Dealing With Stress

    1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 2. If you drink a…
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    How Much Are Your Dogs

    If you are not sure what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here. It seems this…
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    Do As I Say!

    An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a…
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    Haircut Conversations

    *A Woman's Conversation About a Haircut:*Oh! That's so cute!Do you think so? I wasn't…
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    Empty Nest Syndrome

    You know you are suffering from "Empty Nest Syndrome" if..... You have thrown out the…
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    Job Impressions

    I had always talked about my job a lot at home, and my young daughter had always…
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    Addicted to Thinking

    It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up.…
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    Moving Smith

    Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office."Boss," he says, "we're doing some…
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    Cultural Ages

    A Hebrew teacher stood in front of his class and said, "The Jewish people have observed…
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    Bigger and Bigger

    A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets…

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.

- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

- Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

- Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

- The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

- It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

- Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

- She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

- Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

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