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More Jokes

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    I can't come in to work today because . . . .

    - "My son dropped the car keys in the toilet and I sent him in after them. Now I'm…
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    Foreign Encounter

    I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to understand how the Indians must…
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    Party Favor

    After classical violinist Fritz Kreisler was invited to a society party, the hostess…
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    Doctor News

    A doctor walked into his office where one of his patients was sitting. The doctor told…
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    Fee Surprise

    Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once…
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    Famous Last Words

    *Famous Last Words* *Ha! They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist... *Don't unplug it,…
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    Goober Compensation

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    62nd Birthday

    My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I…
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    No Ears, One Question

    Jack Summers is a constructor at a building site. One day on the site there is a massive…
  • Poorly worded ad causes trouble.

    Sewing Machine Ad

    The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last…
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    Blockbuster Surprise

    Without realizing it, I walked right into a police stakeout at my local Blockbuster. When…
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    Sick Day

    Our local newspaper ran several stories about a study that tied male obesity to a…
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    Work Virus

    There is a new virus going around, called "work". If you receive any sort of "work" at…
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    Goober Widow

    A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, wearing a hat, to the photographer.…
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    John Will Be Fine

    The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his…

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.

- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

- Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

- Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

- The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

- It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

- Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

- She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

- Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

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