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More Jokes

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    How To Simulate The Life Of A Sailor

    How To Simulate The Life Of A Sailor~ Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out,…
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    Rough Flight

    The pastor of our church began his sermon with this story:"I was on a plane last week,…
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    Question and Answer

    A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.On the paper…
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    Dog License

    During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to…
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    Battling Salons

    A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established…
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    Deli Tax Return

    The owner of a small deli was being questioned by the IRS about his tax return. He had…
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    Airline Rage

    As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next…
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    Stuck Between Floors

    Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the…
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    Ready, Set, Go

    Two campers, Chris and Michael, are awakened by the sounds of an obviously large bear…
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    Spelling Code

    A client called to report an accident and ask if her insurance rates would go up."Our…
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    Will She Say Yes?

    An extremely wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and…
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    Memento

    Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman:…
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    Forgive Your Enemies

    The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a…
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    Mummy Shock

    An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a sarcophagus…
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    Helpful Executive

    A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing…

Things You Never Want to Hear the Exterminator Say...

20. You know, when you build your next house you might want to consider using steel instead of wood.

19. It's a shame you didn't get that extended protection rider on your pest protection policy.

18. I'm sorry, but our worker's compensation policy specifically excludes "killer termites."

17. Do you know anyone who owns a bulldozer?

16. You'll need to call the Jurassic Park people. Dinosaurs aren't on the list of pest problems we handle.

15. Yeah, I realize I'm from Orkin, but I still need your phone book to call Terminix and All-Pest to come help me with this one.

14. I need to go back to the office to get a bigger truck.

13. Do you have someplace you could stay for the next three days?

12. Do you have a high powered rifle handy?

11. You wouldn't happen to have some extra pesticides in storage around the house, would you?

10. "EEEEEKKK!!!!!!"

9. "Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!! Extermin..."

8. "The good news is... you have termites."

7. "Do you happen to have a large net?"

6. "You know, I'm also a taxidermist."

5. "Ma'am, I'm afraid you need to let me take the oatmeal raisin cookies with me."

4. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

3. "Hi, I'm Willie Nelson and I'll be your exterminator today."

2. "This could get expensive."

1. "Shazbot! I accidentally killed Mindy!"

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