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More Jokes

  • Picture of a gas cap

    Trading Caps

    I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had…
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    10 Minutes Alone

    After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front…
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    Inspector Mom

    Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have arrived in Iraq?…
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    Government Pipe Specifications

    1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around…
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    Take Two Instead

    A man takes a photo of the front of his house to the local copy store and asks the clerk…
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    Office Answering Message

    "Hello, you have reached an office that thought it was so smart getting all it's…
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    Super Golfball

    Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that…
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    Losing Load

    A trucker stops for red light and a goober girl catches up. She knocks on the door and…
  • post it_notes

    Passed Note

    A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.…
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    Concert Dreams

    Not that I need reminding, but time flies much too fast. When I was a teenager, I used to…
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    Dial A Prayer Twist

    They have a Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now. You can call up and it rings and rings but…
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    Chicken Neighbour

    A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The…
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    CD Generation

    After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover…
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    Kid Wisdom

    When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer.Never tell your Mom…
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    Blind Date

    After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with…

Things You Never Want to Hear the Exterminator Say...

20. You know, when you build your next house you might want to consider using steel instead of wood.

19. It's a shame you didn't get that extended protection rider on your pest protection policy.

18. I'm sorry, but our worker's compensation policy specifically excludes "killer termites."

17. Do you know anyone who owns a bulldozer?

16. You'll need to call the Jurassic Park people. Dinosaurs aren't on the list of pest problems we handle.

15. Yeah, I realize I'm from Orkin, but I still need your phone book to call Terminix and All-Pest to come help me with this one.

14. I need to go back to the office to get a bigger truck.

13. Do you have someplace you could stay for the next three days?

12. Do you have a high powered rifle handy?

11. You wouldn't happen to have some extra pesticides in storage around the house, would you?

10. "EEEEEKKK!!!!!!"

9. "Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!! Extermin..."

8. "The good news is... you have termites."

7. "Do you happen to have a large net?"

6. "You know, I'm also a taxidermist."

5. "Ma'am, I'm afraid you need to let me take the oatmeal raisin cookies with me."

4. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

3. "Hi, I'm Willie Nelson and I'll be your exterminator today."

2. "This could get expensive."

1. "Shazbot! I accidentally killed Mindy!"

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