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More Jokes

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    Knitting Chinese

    Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Tiger Woods is to golf. She designed exotic…
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    Parachute Charity

    I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of…
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    Canine Complex

    A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidberg, and sat down to…
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    Game Question

    The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded…
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    Enemies in the West

    A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting."How are we…
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    Convenient Robbery

    Tim and Bill were standing in a bank when a pair of robbers entered the lobby. Not only…
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    Vow Changes

    Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in…
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    Turtle Ears

    Tradition here in the office is to keep a notepad with the punch lines from the various…
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    Dad and Surgeon

    This older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,…
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    Suck It In

    I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach.…
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    Bear Hunting Preacher

    A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some…
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    Temperance River

    A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had…
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    Price of Oranges

    Mrs. Goldberg was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the…
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    Department Staff

    The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff…
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    Got Any Crackers

    A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any crackers? "Bartender says no.Duck walks…

Things You Never Want to Hear the Exterminator Say...

20. You know, when you build your next house you might want to consider using steel instead of wood.

19. It's a shame you didn't get that extended protection rider on your pest protection policy.

18. I'm sorry, but our worker's compensation policy specifically excludes "killer termites."

17. Do you know anyone who owns a bulldozer?

16. You'll need to call the Jurassic Park people. Dinosaurs aren't on the list of pest problems we handle.

15. Yeah, I realize I'm from Orkin, but I still need your phone book to call Terminix and All-Pest to come help me with this one.

14. I need to go back to the office to get a bigger truck.

13. Do you have someplace you could stay for the next three days?

12. Do you have a high powered rifle handy?

11. You wouldn't happen to have some extra pesticides in storage around the house, would you?

10. "EEEEEKKK!!!!!!"

9. "Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!! Extermin..."

8. "The good news is... you have termites."

7. "Do you happen to have a large net?"

6. "You know, I'm also a taxidermist."

5. "Ma'am, I'm afraid you need to let me take the oatmeal raisin cookies with me."

4. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

3. "Hi, I'm Willie Nelson and I'll be your exterminator today."

2. "This could get expensive."

1. "Shazbot! I accidentally killed Mindy!"

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