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More Jokes

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    Rustic Dining

    As a trail guide in a national park, Danny ate with the rest of the seasonal staff in a…
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    Meeting Invitation

    I was telling a friend about my enrollment in a weight-loss program and how excited I was…
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    Afraid To Cross

    Two men stand at a river which they are about to cross when they notice crocodiles…
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    Wise President

    When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace…
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    Piedmont Doors

    We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and…
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    Goober Border Patrol

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:…
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    Youngest in School

    A friend of mine has three boys. The youngest, Gregory, had just started school. A…
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    Einstein At A Party

    Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and…
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    Letter Pride

    One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student. "Why,…
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    CD Generation

    After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover…
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    Never Be Late

    A local priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A…
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    Australian Military Helicopter Simulation

    This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures Series, as related…
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    Simple Operation

    A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. "What's…
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    Flying Blind

    One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting…
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    Understanding Your Paycheck

    Gross pay: $1222.02 Income Tax Outgo Tax State Tax Interstate Tax244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89…

*Answering Machine Messages*

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my Financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.

Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

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