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More Jokes

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    Matchmaker

    Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual…
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    Inspector Mom

    Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have arrived in Iraq?…
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    Signs of Aging

    You know you're getting older if:1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.2. Your try…
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    Coffee Choices

    In our home we tend to get the children to help out. One day our youngest son came in to…
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    Religious Lady On Plane

    There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so…
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    Eye Exam

    Eye-examination charts vary according to the manufacturer, but one thing they have in…
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    Grocery Pickup

    Soon after my 16-year-old sister started working after school as a grocery-store cashier,…
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    Bananas

    As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if…
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    How To Speak English Properly

    *How to speak English Properly* Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. Prepositions are…
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    Sorting Letters

    Myrddin had gotten a part time job at the Post Office and the supervisor there had been…
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    Super Dress

    Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband offered to take his wife…
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    Chicken Neighbour

    A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The…
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    Card Dog

    A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog…
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    Burning Call

    A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is…
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    Computer Problem Report Form

    COMPUTER PROBLEM REPORT FORM: 1. Describe your problem:…

*Answering Machine Messages*

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my Financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.

Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

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