More Jokes

  • cake chocolate2


    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So…
  • Default Image

    Noise Abatement

    "Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise…
  • Default Image

    Circle Stand

    Ron just got a new sports car and was out for a drive when he cut off a truck driver. The…
  • Default Image

    Flood Prediction

    Meteorological experts predicted a massive flood that would destroy the world.The Pope…
  • Default Image

    Vendor Problem

    In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data…
  • Default Image

    Sermon Sub

    A minister was called away unexpectedly by the illness of a close family member. He…
  • Default Image

    Take Out For Lunch

    Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to…
  • Default Image

    Diet Additive

    During one of our weekly weight-loss classes, the group leader was extolling the merits…
  • Default Image

    Ring Appraisal

    An acquaintance of mine whose daughter was about to be married decided to give her a…
  • Default Image

    Famous Last Words

    * Don't turn it on yet, it's not quite ready.* Step back a bit, I can't get you in the…
  • Car-pooling, wallets and suspicions are a bad mix.

    Stolen Wallet

    It was John's turn to drive carpool into town on a day when a new member was traveling…
  • Default Image

    Bear Hunting Preacher

    A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some…
  • Default Image

    Repeat Position

    A lifeboat was called out to rescue a yacht in trouble. The coastguard, trying to get the…
  • Default Image

    First Sermon

    At his first service, the new preachers sermon was extremely long and dull. As he…
  • Default Image

    You Know You're Growing Old When...

    You know you're growing old when... ..you've come to the annoying realization that your…

*Answering Machine Messages*

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my Financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.

Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

Powered By JFBConnect