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More Jokes

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    Chapatti Riddle

    In a party one of Pastor Tim's friends asked him how many chapattis he could eat with an…
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    Curfew

    This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m.…
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    $4,000 Hearing

    An elderly man inquired of his wife about a recent, large expense."Well yes I bought this…
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    Goober Exam

    The Goober reported for her University final examination, which consisted of"yes/no" type…
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    Tiny Rose

    A tiny sweet baby was born to a goober and his wife. They had always dreamed of having a…
  • man3

    Your Turn

    A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Four small children scurried…
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    The Upper Hand

    A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation…
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    Seen Signs

    These signs might not communicate what was hoped for. On a California freeway: Fine for…
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    Big Toe Tingle

    A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. "Doc, there's…
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    Waiting For Years

    We had built our dream house some years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we…
  • child boy

    Rescue Mom

    My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his…
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    Cheap Perfume

    After being away on business, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little…
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    Coffee Cool

    I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the…
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    New Golfer

    A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he…
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    Mouse Mom

    A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks…

*Answering Machine Messages*

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my Financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.

Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

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