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More Jokes

  • cemetary

    Mail Problems

    Thanks to Kim Harding for day's real life laugh from her family. Dear Pastor Tim, This is…
  • river

    Goober at the River

    You can find a picture of a goober at…
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    Thai This For a Change

    An elderly couple, Marty and Helen, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai…
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    Good Guess

    A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation,"…
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    Moving Smith

    Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office."Boss," he says, "we're doing some…
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    Indiana Rainstorm

    After a hardy Indiana rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a…
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    Census Taker

    An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in…
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    Shopping On Up

    In a upscale department store, every night at closing time one of our customer-service…
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    Deck Praise

    I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck outside my…
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    Sewing Lesson

    My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to…
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    Impressions

    A man commissioned Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by the…
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    Casket Comment

    A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the…
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    New Brain Study

    A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that…
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    Bank Hiccups

    While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By…
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    E-Mail Blessing

    E-Mail BlessingPeace be unto you, your computer and the e-mail you receive this day.May…

*Answering Machine Messages*

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my Financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.

Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

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