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More Jokes

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    Giuseppe Spomdalucci

    To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After…
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    Overheard At The Cemetery

    These two boys filled up a bucket of nuts and sat down by the tree. Out of sight, they…
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    Overdue at the Movies

    Tired from waiting for their overdue baby, my daughter and her husband broke the monotony…
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    Ahh, Tourists

    A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all…
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    Top Tips For Cheapskates

    Top Tips For Cheapskates~ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books.…
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    When Aging Reality Sets In

    *When Aging Reality Sets In*1. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying…
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    More Sayings

    Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets. Life is an…
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    Lost in Bookstore

    A friend and her young son, Reid, were browsing in a large bookstore. Engrossed in making…
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    A Letter From College

    A Letter from College:Dear Dad,$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and…
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    New Flavor?

    The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you…
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    Cooking Terms

    Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a…
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    FROLIC Memo

    To: All Employees From: Management Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season…
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    Flood Prediction

    Meteorological experts predicted a massive flood that would destroy the world.The Pope…
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    Boss Prepared

    As salesman was assigned to secure an important client but failed in his mission.He faxed…
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    Ah, Mozart

    A married couple trying to live up to a snobbish lifestyle went to a party. The…

*Answering Machine Messages*

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my Financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.

Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

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