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More Jokes

  • office woman

    Help Desk

    A man who worked the help desk for a large company received a call one day from a…
  • keyboard computer

    Military Computer

    Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The…
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    Coverup Catch

    This guy had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without…
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    First Day Answer

    The child comes home from his first day at school. His Mother asks, "Well, what did you…
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    Judge's Watch

    A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as…
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    Mule Solution

    A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left…
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    Play-Off Tickets

    A man goes to the Chicago Bear ticket office and inquires about purchasing play-off…
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    Community Newspaper

    Gilbert, South Carolina is such a small community, I was surprised that they had a…
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    What Happened

    "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in…
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    Prison Joke Book

    It was Mickey's first night in the penitentiary. All of the inmates were in their cells…
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    Mother's Intuition

    I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a…
  • score table

    Sneaking Into the Olympics

    Three guys were trying to sneak into the Olympic Village in Atlanta to scoop souvenirs…
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    Second Wave

    While the soldiers stood at attention during a parade, a private waved to someone in the…
  • turkey live

    6 Legged Turkey

    An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better…
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    Tournament Weather`

    Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once taking part in a local tournament. As he was…

*Answering Machine Messages*

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my Financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.

Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

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