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More Jokes

  • office write

    Security Tips

    The following are notices that homeowners can place in a few strategic locations to keep…
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    Station Help

    An elderly man was standing in front of the ticket office in Grand Central Station. A…
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    Payment Plan

    Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store.Pete said…
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    Military Computer

    Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The…
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    Driving Around

    I tell you, men drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on Highway…
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    Second Try

    Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one…
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    Flashlight Defense

    A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an…
  • pay phone

    Listening In

    A long time ago, before the days of cell phones, I needed to call home, and the only pay…
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    Corporate Change

    When the company I worked for had an employee-suggestion competition, I told my staff to…
  • pond

    Wet Clothes

    Cassie was a really good mom. When her children were growing up, her one son gave her…
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    Innocent Question

    A prosecuting attorney just could not believe that a jury had found the defendant not…
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    The FBI Orders Pizza

    FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under…
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    Chess Playing Dog

    A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He…
  • family time

    Supporting a Family

    Jake had proposed to young Gina and was being interviewed by his prospective…
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    Universal Solvent

    "The father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to tour the school…

*Answering Machine Messages*

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my Financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry I have plenty of money.

Hi. John's answering machine is broken. This is the refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

If you are a burglar, then we're probably home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

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