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More Jokes

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    Tip Revenge

    A man finds his seat in the theater, but it's too far from the stage. He whispers to the…
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    Message Break

    A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle…
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    Wheat Exports

    Not expecting to do well on the economics exam, Bill was heartened by the first question:…
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    An Honest Golfer

    About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a…
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    Message Puzzle

    April was puzzled recently by the odd messages she kept getting on her voice mail. Day…
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    What's Wrong Now?

    My friend, an ex-Marine Aviator wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane. I was…
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    Nativity Accent

    In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent…
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    Cow Philosophies

    Various organizational philosophies explained in "two cow" terms. Socialism: you have two…
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    Snack Costs

    My friends and I had joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor…
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    Research Team

    A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the…
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    Traffic Laughs

    * Freeway congestion is getting so bad, you can change a tire without losing your place…
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    Not-So-Bright People

    AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual…
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    Dental Mommy

    For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me,…
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    Directions

    A friend was thinking about buying a new house in the country and asked me to come out…
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    More Musings

    What happens if you get scared half to death twice?Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged…

The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.

Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!

Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?

Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!

To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck...

Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again…

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