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    100 GB

    Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the…
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    Top Tips For Cheapskates

    Top Tips For Cheapskates~ Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books.…
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    Hard to Pronounce

    As a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a deceased pope. One day while I…
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    Perfect Mate

    At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to…
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    Expecting

    "How does Jamie like being pregnant?" Danny asked his friend Ryan."Oh, she's not…
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    Flood Prediction

    Meteorological experts predicted a massive flood that would destroy the world.The Pope…
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    Does It Hurt?

    When I was a mother's helper, the mom of the family I worked for sat with her three…
  • phone help

    Phone Calls

    Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator: I'm…
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    Tech Support

    Five things you don't want to hear from Tech Support: 1. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!" 2. "In…
  • pedestrian pictogram

    Walking Out

    "I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an embarrassed woman said after a church…
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    Escaped Puppy

    I live across the street from a church. When my wife's puppy escaped from the back yard…
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    All Roads Lead Back to Rome

    The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.…
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    Gate Boarding

    At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement…
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    Rattlesnake Ammo

    An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter…
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    Lost Bible

    The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the…

The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.

Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!

Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?

Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!

To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck...

Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again…

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