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    Tracing Family

    Dear Abby:I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to…
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    Medical Bill Call

    Many patients call the pathology group where I am office manager to discuss their medical…
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    First Salute

    The first salute received by a freshly commissioned Second Lieutenant is always…
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    Baseball Class

    A profesor at the University of Pennsylvania was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden…
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    Jumper

    At the local Starbucks, a little guy exchanged words with a big bald guy and it looked…
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    Dumb Sports Quotes

    Dumb Sports Quotes *"And here's Moses Kiptanui, the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a…
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    Taa-Daa!

    A magician calls a man up on stage, hands him a mallet, and instructs the guy to hit him…
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    Athletics Anonymous

    These days, with all the emphasis on one's physical fitness, a new organization has…
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    Goober with a Pager

    One of my friends works in the customer service call center of a national pager company.…
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    Job Search Woe

    Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure…
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    Top Ten Best Golf Caddie Remarks

    #10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep…
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    Calories That Don't Count

    Dieting is a lot easier when you factor in recently determined calorie counting…
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    Proud Rooster

    A minister had just finished an excellent dinner at the home of a congregation member…
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    County Employees

    A fellow stopped at a rural gas station, filled his tank, and took a break by his car…
  • Trojan Virus Warning

    Trojan Virus Warning

    Hey Hector, This was forwarded to me by Cassandra - it looks legit. Please distribute to…

The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations.

Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious!

Dear Mr. Mailman, we found bloodstains all over our mail. They must be yours. The next time you put mail into our slot, please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of all openings. P.S. - Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"?

Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are!

To whom it may concern: Some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck...

Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again…

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