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More Jokes

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    Roof Chicken

    One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto…
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    CD Sleeves

    My daughter Lili was five when she received a foam CD holder with plastic sleeves for all…
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    Granny's Visit

    Little Tony was so happy to see his grandmother that he ran up and gave her a big hug.…
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    Border Declaration

    Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to…
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    Proud Rooster

    A minister had just finished an excellent dinner at the home of a congregation member…
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    6 Legged Turkey

    An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better…
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    Losing New Balls

    Morris had been playing golf for years. He always used the very finest equipment, but his…
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    As Long As We Are One

    My grandson was telling me that he and his three playmates attended different…
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    Epitaph Adjustment

    A new widow requested the epitaph "Rest in Peace" for her husband's tombstone. When she…
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    Hiccup Cure

    A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something to cure…
  • preacher1

    Long Sermon Feedback

    After a very long and boring sermon the parishioners filed out of the church saying…
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    Mom's Time Out

    My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.One Saturday, as Mom was…
  • couple2

    Best Man

    A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats…
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    One Room School

    The board of education in a nearby town sold off a building that had been a one-room…
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    Running Away

    A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He…

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, school history, job
history, ancestral lineage, DMV printout, and a current medical
report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH______________


HEIGHT____________  WEIGHT_____________  IQ__________
GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND
BADGES______________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS__________________________  CITY/STATE___________
ZIP_____

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?
___________________________

If NO, please explain
_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married
________________________________

If less than your age, explain
_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

Do you own a van? _____________

A truck with oversized tires?___________

A waterbed?_____________

A pickup with a mattress in the back?__________

A condom?_______________

Pornography?_______________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? ______________

A tattoo?_____________

(IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE
PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_______________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________


Church you attend:
______________________________________________________

How often you attend:
___________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

        father? _____________         priest? _______________

        mother? _____________         parole officer? _______

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.


A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

_____________________________________________________________________


B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

_____________________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

_____________________________________________________________________


E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:

_____________________________________________________________________

NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue.  Leaving premises
keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.


What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________

_____________________________________________________________________


What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________

Condoms come in packages of (circle one)

        A:  3
        B:  6
        C:  9
        D: 12
        E: ALL OF THE ABOVE

How do you know?_____________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest.  Please allow four to six years for
processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not
try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause
you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by
two gentleman wearing black shirts and white ties carrying violin
cases (you might want to watch your back).

Have a nice day.

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