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More Jokes

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    Ol' Spot

    A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and socialize. As…
  • lawn ornaments

    Lawn Ornaments

    Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of…
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    Goober Golf Dispute

    Two goobers were starting a round of Golf together. On the first tee, the first guy…
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    Offended Goober

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
  • Dog New Year's Resolutions

    Your Dog's New Year's Resolutions

    I will not bark each time I see or hear a dog on TV. I will not steal underwear belonging…
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    Eating Out

    Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches…
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    Politically Correct Statements for a New Century

    Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive." Kids don't get grounded…
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    Face Warning

    Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped…
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    Shirt Note

    The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a lady-killer, and was delighted to find a note…
  • computer-keyboard

    Computer Acronyms

    For those computer literate souls out there: ISDN - It Still Does Nothing APPLE -…
  • A funny diatribe about children and parenting

    Lamentation For Our Kids

    This is rather lengthy but funny. *Laws Pertaining to Dessert* For we judge between the…
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    Parts is Parts

    A parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the…
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    50th Anniversary

    At my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, I was looking through a photo album of their…
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    Professionalism Test

    Read this out loud:This is this catThis is is catThis is how catThis is to catThis is…
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    The Congregation Replied

    Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the…

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, school history, job
history, ancestral lineage, DMV printout, and a current medical
report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH______________


HEIGHT____________  WEIGHT_____________  IQ__________
GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND
BADGES______________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS__________________________  CITY/STATE___________
ZIP_____

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?
___________________________

If NO, please explain
_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married
________________________________

If less than your age, explain
_________________________________________________

_________________________________________________

Do you own a van? _____________

A truck with oversized tires?___________

A waterbed?_____________

A pickup with a mattress in the back?__________

A condom?_______________

Pornography?_______________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? ______________

A tattoo?_____________

(IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE
PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_______________________

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

_________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________


Church you attend:
______________________________________________________

How often you attend:
___________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

        father? _____________         priest? _______________

        mother? _____________         parole officer? _______

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.


A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

_____________________________________________________________________


B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

_____________________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

_____________________________________________________________________


E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:

_____________________________________________________________________

NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue.  Leaving premises
keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.


What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________

_____________________________________________________________________


What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________

Condoms come in packages of (circle one)

        A:  3
        B:  6
        C:  9
        D: 12
        E: ALL OF THE ABOVE

How do you know?_____________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest.  Please allow four to six years for
processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not
try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause
you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by
two gentleman wearing black shirts and white ties carrying violin
cases (you might want to watch your back).

Have a nice day.

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