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    Pit Falls

    This particular man was taking a shortcut through the graveyard one dark night. That was…
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    Side Effects of a Life in Comedy

    Side Effects of a Life in Comedy* Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo Meets Teller"…
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    In the Dorm

    In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights: dousing and…
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    Dogs

    ** If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then…
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    Ask Jeeves

    My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the…
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    Exercise

    - I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.- I…
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    Joey Sets The Table

    A certain man had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's…
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    Driver's License Examiners

    While discussing the plight of Driver's license examiners, a former motor-vehicle-bureau…
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    Sorry I'm Late

    Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy…
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    Do As I Say!

    An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a…
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    The Front Pew

    An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at…
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    Scared vs. Apprehension

    As a sergeant in a parachute regiment, I took part in several night-time exercises. Once,…
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    Two Feet

    A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the family car. Pushed to the…
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    Philosophy Chair

    An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing…
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    Dog License

    During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to…
Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time.  Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend.  As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle.

When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase.  "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend.  However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a <gasp!> -- ashes and broken vase scattering all around.

After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no...  I'm, oh!... I, can't...  didn't mean to.."

"It's OK dear," the mother says.  "The vase was just from Wal- Mart."

The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But...  but your husband's ashes..."

"Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!"
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