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    Better Trainer

    A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of…
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    Lazy Cobbler

    A man went into a shoe repair store in his hometown that he had not been in for almost…
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    Doctor News

    The doctor took his patient into his office and said, "I have some good news and some bad…
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    Picture Menu

    I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the…
  • Owl Jokes

    Owl Friend

    Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night,…
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    Moving Labels

    Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who…
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    Paid To Worry

    Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he…
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    Hand Signals

    A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-year-old teacher because her hand signals were…
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    Taxi Grad

    A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his…
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    Mother And Child

    A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly…
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    One Call

    The two teenagers were arrested. The police sergeant told them they were entitled to a…
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    Penguin Breakdown

    There was this truck driver who had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As…
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    Tough Teacher

    A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of…
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    First Words

    The eight-year old boy had never spoken a word-ever. One afternoon, as he sat eating his…
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    Things I've Learned From My Children

    *Things I've Learned From My Children* 01. A king size waterbed holds enough water to…

new years_eveThis year, I resolve to...

- Gain weight; at least 30 pounds.

- Stop exercising; waste of time.

- Read less; makes you think.

- Watch more TV; I've been missing some good stuff.

- Procrastinate more; starting tomorrow.

- Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.

- Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.

- Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

- Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

- Don't have eight children at once.

- Get in a whole NEW rut!

- Start being superstitious.

- Personal goal: bring back disco.

- Don't bet against the Minnesota Vikings.

- Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.

- Get the windows tinted.  Buy some fur for the dash.

- Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.

- Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

- Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.

- Don't eat cloned meat.

- Create loose ends.

- Get more toys.

- Get further in debt.

- Don't believe politicians.

- Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

- Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.

- Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.

- Stay off the International Space Station.

- Not swim with pirhanas or sharks.

- Associate with even worse business clients.

- Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.

- Wait around for opportunity.

- Focus on the faults of others.

- Mope about my faults.

- Never make New Year's resolutions again.

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