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    Marrying Young

    My sister, went to the department store to check out the bridal registry of our niece…
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    Cold Cream Questions

    A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face."Why…
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    Crowded Bus

    It was rush hour, and when the bus finally arrived, it was packed. I tried to force my…
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    Dollar Measure

    Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to…
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    Church Hopping

    A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a…
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    Signs That You May Be Canadian

    1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines. 2. You understand the phrase, "Could…
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    Corn Problem

    We were eating corn on the cob two weeks ago and my 5-year-old daughter Rachel seemed to…
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    Blood Race

    During the time I was a first lieutenant at Seymour Johnson Air Force Base in North…
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    Brick Order

    A man goes into his local building supply store and orders 10,000 bricks."May I ask what…
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    Alllleee-oop!

    A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer…
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    Getting Younger

    Old Sam Johnson goes to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body.…
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    Pastors' Good News/Bad News

    Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.Bad News: You lost two of them in…
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    Landing in the Fog

    An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically…
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    Next Pastor

    Rev. Jones shocked the congregation when he announced his resignation from the church and…
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    Parachute Charity

    I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of…

new years_eveThis year, I resolve to...

- Gain weight; at least 30 pounds.

- Stop exercising; waste of time.

- Read less; makes you think.

- Watch more TV; I've been missing some good stuff.

- Procrastinate more; starting tomorrow.

- Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.

- Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.

- Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

- Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

- Don't have eight children at once.

- Get in a whole NEW rut!

- Start being superstitious.

- Personal goal: bring back disco.

- Don't bet against the Minnesota Vikings.

- Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.

- Get the windows tinted.  Buy some fur for the dash.

- Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.

- Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

- Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.

- Don't eat cloned meat.

- Create loose ends.

- Get more toys.

- Get further in debt.

- Don't believe politicians.

- Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

- Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.

- Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.

- Stay off the International Space Station.

- Not swim with pirhanas or sharks.

- Associate with even worse business clients.

- Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.

- Wait around for opportunity.

- Focus on the faults of others.

- Mope about my faults.

- Never make New Year's resolutions again.

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