logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Australia Q & A

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website:  the answers were also there!

1.  Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia?  I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?  (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2.  Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?  (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3.  Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?  (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4.  Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?  (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

5.  Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.  (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6.  Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia?  Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7.  Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?  (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.  Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not...  oh forget it.  Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.  Come dressed in medieval costume.

8.  Q: Which direction is North in Australia?  (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees.  Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9.  Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?  (UK)
A: Why?  Just use your fingers like we do.

10.  Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?  (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.  Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come dressed in medieval costume.

11.  Q: Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No, WE don't stink.

12.  Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13.  Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

14.  Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

15.  Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?  (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

16.  Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.  (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

17.  Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name.  It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.  (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear.  They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.  You can scare them off by dressing in medieval costume before you go out walking.

18.  Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?  (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Major League Snacks

    I took my son to his first Major League baseball game when he was four. The game was…
  • Default Image

    Charity Better than Expected

    Members of the Methodist women's church circle in one Wisconsin town some years ago were…
  • ambulance

    Does That Hurt

    We live in a small town where we have a volunteer Ambulance Corp. We are blessed with…
  • Default Image

    Suffering Vanity

    Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her…
  • Default Image

    Strangest Dream

    "I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his psychiatrist."I saw my…
  • man smile

    Strange Problem

    A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. "Doc, there's…
  • sports balls

    *Famous Sports Quotes*

    "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman…
  • pinata

    Moving Label

    Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who…
  • Default Image

    What Don't You Have?

    An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. "Doc," he says," I am so stricken. I have…
  • train engine

    Lost Ticket

    Albert Einstein was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on…
  • Default Image

    Bag of Chickens

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:…
  • Default Image

    Sunday Complaints

    After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this…
  • Default Image

    What Happened

    "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in…
  • Default Image

    Spelling Help

    My son, Mitchell, a kindergartener, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the…
  • Default Image

    Golfer's Tale

    A group of golfers were telling tall stories. At last came a veteran's turn. "Well," he…