logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Men, Dogs, Women

    1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same Both take up too much space on the bed.Both have…
  • Default Image

    Tennis Ball Lesson

    A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each…
  • man headphones

    Excuses To Give When You Have Missed Work

    ~ I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me…
  • Default Image

    50 Years From Now

    Three elderly gents were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about…
  • Default Image

    Memory Improvement

    I knew that as I was getting older, and finally able to admit it, certain things were…
  • Default Image

    Letter From Home

    I had an extended tour of duty in Okinawa in 1958 and was unable to bring my wife and…
  • Default Image

    Good Guess

    The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the pre-school teacher in…
  • Default Image

    Future Price of Roses

    The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to…
  • Default Image

    Get Well Soon

    A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.The doctors…
  • Default Image

    Why Dogs Can't Use Computers

    *Why Dogs Can't Use Computers*10. He's distracted by cats chasing his mouse.9. SIT and…
  • Default Image

    Murphy's Laws of Law Enforcement

    New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy.You will never get the urge to use the…
  • hat in_the_cold

    Tim Robbed

    One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the…
  • Default Image

    Fax Hint

    As a professor at the Air Force Institute of Technology, I taught a series of popular…
  • Default Image

    E-Mail Blessing

    E-Mail BlessingPeace be unto you, your computer and the e-mail you receive this day.May…
  • Default Image

    Taxing Sleeps

    A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 (knowing my own hidden secrets)…

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website:  the answers were also there!

1.  Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia?  I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?  (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2.  Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?  (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3.  Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?  (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4.  Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia?  (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

5.  Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.  (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6.  Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia?  Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7.  Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?  (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.  Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not...  oh forget it.  Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.  Come dressed in medieval costume.

8.  Q: Which direction is North in Australia?  (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees.  Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9.  Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?  (UK)
A: Why?  Just use your fingers like we do.

10.  Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?  (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.  Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come dressed in medieval costume.

11.  Q: Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No, WE don't stink.

12.  Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13.  Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

14.  Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

15.  Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?  (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

16.  Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.  (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

17.  Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name.  It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.  (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear.  They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.  You can scare them off by dressing in medieval costume before you go out walking.

18.  Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?  (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Powered By JFBConnect