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More Jokes

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    More On Candidates

    A newscaster interrupted scheduled programming to announce the outcome of a political…
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    First Apartment

    Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and me for a visit. As…
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    Cow Legs

    Did you hear of the little boy who came home from kindergarten with a blue ribbon. When…
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    Driving Around

    I tell you, men drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on Highway…
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    Unwritten Warning Labels

    *Unwritten Warning Labels*On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive…
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    Anyone Home?

    A social worker who had recently transferred from the big city to the mountains was…
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    60's Fans

    Fans of '60's music, my 14-year-old daughter and her best friend got front-row tickets to…
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    How Can Any Student Pass?

    It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year ONLY has 365 days.…
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    Always Corrected

    Frustrated at always being corrected by my hubby, I decided the next time it happened I…
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    Prayers as Heard By Children

    Prayers as Heard By ChildrenFrom San Francisco: When I was a child, I learned this prayer…
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    Get the Picture

    Two weeks after my one-year-old's photo shoot, I returned to the studio to view the…
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    One-liners

    *43.3% of statistics are meaningless! *Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.…
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    Actual Warnings On Products

    *Actual Warnings On Products* On instructions for a hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.…
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    Quarter Back

    Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters? Nurse:…
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    Giuseppe Spomdalucci

    To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After…

When you are out of the office, here are some away messages to use:

1. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

2. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

3. Due to a transporter malfunction, I am now in the 24th century, and I don't know when I'll be back. But hey, leave a message. Someone might get to it.

4. In case of a business emergency, I may be reached 24 hours a day at (insert Boss's cell phone number here).

5. The e-mail server is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

6. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.

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