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More Jokes

  • university

    Good Morning

    When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When…
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    Goober Jokes Galore!

    What do you call an eternity? Four Goobers in four cars at a four way stop. Why do…
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    Tax Reform

    At an open conference in Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the audience which…
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    Reading Problem

    A patient came to me to discuss her nine year old son who was having difficulty reading.…
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    Every Word

    A professor asked a student to remain for a few moments after class. Holding out the…
  • letter-writing

    Rejected Rejection

    Re: Rejected Rejection Dear Ms. Ezell: Thank you for your letter of July 17. After…
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    Matchmaker

    Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual…
  • man selling tomatoes joke illustration

    Saved by the Tomato

    A story is told of an unemployed man who is desperate to support his family. His wife…
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    Chow

    "Chow looks wonderful," I told the mess sergeant, a large, intimidating man. "I'd love…
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    Buffalo Comments

    Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said, "Those are the…
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    Goobers In Ditch

    Two Goobers were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we…
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    Two by Fours

    Man injured by fallen raccoon A couple of goobers in a pickup truck drove into a…
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    Lost Balloon

    A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots…
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    Martha's Way Vs. My Way

    *Martha's Way Vs. My Way* Martha's way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's…
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    Job Search Woe

    Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure…
What your baby would tell you if he could talk:

1. I have my blankie, you have your caffeine. Enough said.

2. Don't be jealous, but I think I'm in love with the ceiling fan.

3. I know where the remote control is, but it'll cost you.

4. To you, it's just an empty egg carton; to me it's PlayStation 2.

5. Actually, I don't mind sitting in a bathtub that I've peed in.

6. Bang a screwdriver slowly and steadily into your gums. That's what teething feels like.

7. Two words I'd rather not hear from you: rectal thermometer.

8. There's no point in teaching me to say "mama" or "dada." My first word is going to be "hat."

9. I've told you five times what cow says. If you can't remember, I'm not telling you again.

10. There is no question that I can cry longer than you can listen.

11. I'm not just wildly throwing my food. I'm exploring the laws of gravity, estimating mass, and testing wind velocity.

12. If you wanted a good sleeper, you should have gotten a cat.

13. Who that baby in the mirror you keep asking me about?

14. If my bottom is so darn cute, why is someone always trying to cover it up?

15. Who are you two to tell me how important it is to sleep alone?

16. What you secretly believe is true: I am much smarter than other babies.
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