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More Jokes

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    Sharing by Example

    A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to…
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    Call to Principal

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    Hymns for Speeders

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    Know Your States

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    How To Interpret Employment Ads

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    Goober Horseback Riding

    A goober decides to try horseback riding, even though he has had no lessons or prior…
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    Vacation Location

    A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw…
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    King of The Jungle

    The lion was proud of his mastery of the animal kingdom. One day he decided to make sure…
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    Employment Search

    My employment search preoccupied our family for months. One day my husband told our three…
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    Things Dogs Should Try to Remember

    Things dogs should try to remember: The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff even…
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    Diary of A House Husband

    "Diary of A House Husband" This week I am at home & playing house husband. My wife left a…
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    Bulletproof

    The speaker at a bank's drive-through window had been broken for weeks, and the tellers…
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    Tennis Take On

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    Compliments to the Chef

    I have a reputation for not being a fantastic cook. One evening I worked particularly…
What your baby would tell you if he could talk:

1. I have my blankie, you have your caffeine. Enough said.

2. Don't be jealous, but I think I'm in love with the ceiling fan.

3. I know where the remote control is, but it'll cost you.

4. To you, it's just an empty egg carton; to me it's PlayStation 2.

5. Actually, I don't mind sitting in a bathtub that I've peed in.

6. Bang a screwdriver slowly and steadily into your gums. That's what teething feels like.

7. Two words I'd rather not hear from you: rectal thermometer.

8. There's no point in teaching me to say "mama" or "dada." My first word is going to be "hat."

9. I've told you five times what cow says. If you can't remember, I'm not telling you again.

10. There is no question that I can cry longer than you can listen.

11. I'm not just wildly throwing my food. I'm exploring the laws of gravity, estimating mass, and testing wind velocity.

12. If you wanted a good sleeper, you should have gotten a cat.

13. Who that baby in the mirror you keep asking me about?

14. If my bottom is so darn cute, why is someone always trying to cover it up?

15. Who are you two to tell me how important it is to sleep alone?

16. What you secretly believe is true: I am much smarter than other babies.
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