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More Jokes

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    Interview Question

    "Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you…
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    Lemon-Aid

    A local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a…
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    Happy Songs

    A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to…
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    Talking Dog

    A guy is driving around Wadsworth, Ohio and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking…
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    Sleeping Leg

    A lady had been exposed to strep and needed to visit the doctor's office just to have her…
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    Doctor's Writing

    Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctor's…
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    One-Liners

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Nothing in the known universe…
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    The Internet Pledge

    Are you BRAVE enough to take the Internet pledge!!1) I will have a cup of coffee in the…
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    Muddy General

    During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered…
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    Things Not To Say To On Date

    Things Not To Say To On Date * I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I…
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    What "Guy" Phrases Really Mean

    "I'm going fishing."really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in…
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    Summer Camp

    A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer…
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    Daddy's Trick

    The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said,"I'm so happy to see you…
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    Chocolate Laughs

    Over the years, people have come up with a number of great reasons to eat chocolate. The…
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    Oil Spill

    After a lady's car had leaked motor oil on her cement driveway, she bought a large bag of…

Because I am A Guy...

..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.  If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

..when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long after hypothermia has set in.  Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

..when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

..I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu."  For all I know these are the same thing.  And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up a copy of "Cosmo" or "Better Homes & Gardens."

..when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

..I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone.  Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how could HE know where we're going?

..you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.  Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

..I think what you're wearing is fine.  I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.  Either pair of shoes is fine.  With the belt or without it looks fine.  Your hair is fine.  You look fine.  Can we just go now?

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