More Jokes

  • deer hunting jokes

    Deer Hunting

    A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one…
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    Think She'll Die?

    One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered…
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    Blind Date Slap

    An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to…
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    Mom's Phone

    Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a…
  • woman

    The Mystery Of Women

    I know I'm never going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take…
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    Isn't That Nice?

    Two delicate flowers of Southern womanhood (one of whom was from Texas) were conversing…
  • phone-old-school

    It Sure Is

    An elderly couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband…
  • oil

    Oil Spill

    After a lady's car had leaked motor oil on her cement driveway, she bought a large bag of…
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    One Hard Question

    There was a student who wanted to be admitted to the University.He was smart enough to…
  • vaccum cleaner_hose

    Vacuum Manure

    A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a…
  • medical desk

    Doctor's Advice

    A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. "Doc, there's…
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    Better Trainer

    A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of…
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    Great Truths About Life

    *Great Truths About Life that Children Have Learned* 1) No matter how hard you try, you…
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    Bathroom Break

    On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone…
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    Reasons Not To Wash

    If you took the same excuses that people use for not going to church and apply them to…

Because I am A Guy...

..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.  If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

..when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long after hypothermia has set in.  Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

..when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

..I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu."  For all I know these are the same thing.  And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up a copy of "Cosmo" or "Better Homes & Gardens."

..when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

..I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone.  Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how could HE know where we're going?

..you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.  Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

..I think what you're wearing is fine.  I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.  Either pair of shoes is fine.  With the belt or without it looks fine.  Your hair is fine.  You look fine.  Can we just go now?

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