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More Jokes

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    Card Dog

    A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog…
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    Gravity Situation

    I saw a report recently, about how gravity, which is a non-renewable resource, is…
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    ID Card

    The day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a…
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    Goat for Dinner

    The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the…
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    Getting Younger

    Old Sam Johnson goes to his doctor complaining of aches and pains all over his body.…
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    TV News

    A chicken crosses the road. Here's how some of the media covers it.Here's our trusty NBC…
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    Nervous Young Minister

    A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will…
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    Basement Pitch

    The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and…
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    Dial A Prayer Twist

    They have a Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now. You can call up and it rings and rings but…
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    Why Ask Why

    *Why Ask Why*Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and…
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    Money Worries

    Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was…
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    Repair Call

    Bill was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly…
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    Welcome To The Neighborhood

    A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good…
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    Amish Law

    An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed…
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    Seeing Eye Dogs

    Two men are walking their dogs. The first guy has a doberman, and the second guy has a…

Because I am A Guy...

..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.  If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

..when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long after hypothermia has set in.  Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

..when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

..I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu."  For all I know these are the same thing.  And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up a copy of "Cosmo" or "Better Homes & Gardens."

..when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

..I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone.  Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how could HE know where we're going?

..you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.  Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

..I think what you're wearing is fine.  I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.  Either pair of shoes is fine.  With the belt or without it looks fine.  Your hair is fine.  You look fine.  Can we just go now?

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