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More Jokes

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    Bagpipe Jokes

    Relax, they aren't that bad - it's just joking about them that's fun. Q. What's the…
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    Two-Part Question

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    Thoughts on Golfing

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    Computer T-Shirt Slogans

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    New Light Switch

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    Next Question

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    Wrong Guard

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    Newlywed Compromise

    For our first New Year's together as a married couple, my wife offered me a choice of…
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    Missed Call

    My daughter Marina worked in my law office while she attended graduate school. One…
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    Three Day Silence

    My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what…
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    Picture Menu

    I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the…
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    Mental Test

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    Eating Worms

    Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw…
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    Hymns For Professionals

    DENTIST: Crown Him with many crownsCONTRACTORS: The church's one foundationOBSTETRICIANS:…
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    Strawberry Fertilizer

    A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in…

Because I am A Guy...

..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.  If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

..when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long after hypothermia has set in.  Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

..when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

..I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu."  For all I know these are the same thing.  And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up a copy of "Cosmo" or "Better Homes & Gardens."

..when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

..I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone.  Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how could HE know where we're going?

..you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.  Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

..I think what you're wearing is fine.  I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.  Either pair of shoes is fine.  With the belt or without it looks fine.  Your hair is fine.  You look fine.  Can we just go now?

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