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More Jokes

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    New Diet

    Needing to shed a few pounds, my husband and I went on a diet that had specific recipes…
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    Yiddish Speak

    During the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli…
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    Hypo Teen

    Our neighbor used the word hypochondriac to describe the phase her teen-age daughter was…
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    Real 911 Calls

    Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots…
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    Eye Exam

    Eye-examination charts vary according to the manufacturer, but one thing they have in…
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    The Haircut

    A young man had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister…
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    First Sermon

    At his first service, the new preachers sermon was extremely long and dull. As he…
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    Amateur Photographer

    An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends, and he took along a few…
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    Car-jacking Foiled

    An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped…
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    Computerized Airline

    The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without…
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    Out of Gas Options

    The young woman sat in her stalled car, waiting for help. Finally two men walked up to…
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    Mother Tongue

    I figured out why they call our language the "Mother Tongue." Fathers never get a chance…
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    When I Was Your Age

    A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one…
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    Church Mice Problem

    Three pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first pastor said, "Ya know,…
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    Speeding Juggler

    A driver was pulled over for speeding by a police officer. As the officer was writing the…

Because I am A Guy...

..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.  If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

..when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long after hypothermia has set in.  Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

..when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

..I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu."  For all I know these are the same thing.  And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up a copy of "Cosmo" or "Better Homes & Gardens."

..when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

..I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone.  Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how could HE know where we're going?

..you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.  Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

..I think what you're wearing is fine.  I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.  Either pair of shoes is fine.  With the belt or without it looks fine.  Your hair is fine.  You look fine.  Can we just go now?

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