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More Jokes

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    Gift Mug

    I had to go on a business trip the day after my honeymoon, so I decided to purchase a…
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    4 Year Old Rider

    Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old…
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    Revocation of Independence

    Remember when the US election took so long to decide back in November of 2000? Here's a…
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    75 Stories

    Fred, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the…
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    Order Debt

    A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great…
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    Hand Signals

    A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-year-old teacher because her hand signals were…
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    The Gas Men

    Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out…
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    Geneology Question

    When my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher…
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    Do You Have?

    A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do…
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    Backwoods Labor

    In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the…
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    Computer One Liners - Part 2

    Computer One Liners - Part 2ISDN: I Still Don't kNowISDN: Idiot Services you Don't NeedIt…
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    Upset Wagon

    It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived…
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    Walking on Water

    Bob, the goober, heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all…
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    Password Problems

    A new employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her…
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    Apology

    Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop:"Give me four of those pinwheels, two of…

Because I am A Guy...

..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.  If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

..when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long after hypothermia has set in.  Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

..when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

..I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu."  For all I know these are the same thing.  And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up a copy of "Cosmo" or "Better Homes & Gardens."

..when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

..I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone.  Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how could HE know where we're going?

..you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.  Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

..I think what you're wearing is fine.  I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.  Either pair of shoes is fine.  With the belt or without it looks fine.  Your hair is fine.  You look fine.  Can we just go now?

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