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More Jokes

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    Grandma and Computer

    The computer's swallowed grandmaYes' honestly' its true.She pressed 'control' and…
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    Missed Cues

    This actually happend to CLeanLaugh list member Nila Wilhem. She writes, "Several years…
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    Goober On The Net

    A goober went to his mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to…
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    Tips rejected by Martha Stewart

    Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and…
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    What "Guy" Phrases Really Mean

    "I'm going fishing."really means..."I'm going to go and stand by a stream with a stick in…
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    Laws of Life

    * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the…
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    No Frills Airlines

    ...they don't sell tickets, they sell chances. ...all the insurance machines in the…
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    Eye Test

    I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the…
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    The Upper Hand

    A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation…
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    Rope Response

    A young fellow just starting into cattle ranching called the old cowboy one rainy evening…
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    Getting To Heaven

    The pastor was talking to a group of young children about believing in Jesus and going to…
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    Healthful Place

    Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Barbados. In an airport taxi cab,…
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    2 Best Recipes

    Newlywed Wife: "The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie."Newlywed Husband:…
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    Just Like Mother

    Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny…
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    Bridge Over Troubled Waters

    There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks: Rufus and Clarence.…

Because I am A Guy...

..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.  If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

..when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long after hypothermia has set in.  Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

..when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

..I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu."  For all I know these are the same thing.  And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up a copy of "Cosmo" or "Better Homes & Gardens."

..when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

..I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone.  Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how could HE know where we're going?

..you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.  Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

..I think what you're wearing is fine.  I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.  Either pair of shoes is fine.  With the belt or without it looks fine.  Your hair is fine.  You look fine.  Can we just go now?

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