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More Jokes

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    The Turkey Shot Out Of The Oven

    The turkey shot out of the ovenand rocketed into the air,it knocked every plate off the…
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    Lion Tamer

    A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer.…
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    Resume Cover Letters

    These were taken from real Resumes and Cover Letters, and were printed in "Fortune"…
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    Breathe

    A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death…
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    Computer One-liners - Part 1

    Computer One-liners - Part 1Hard Disk space: the final frontier!Hardware: The parts of a…
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    Quiz Query

    My daughter's 5th-grade class had been studying astronomy.One morning at breakfast she…
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    Charity Better than Expected

    Members of the Methodist women's church circle in one Wisconsin town some years ago were…
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    Goober Golf Dispute

    Two goobers were starting a round of Golf together. On the first tee, the first guy…
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    Theories Of Cat Behavior

    Theories Of Cat BehaviorLAW OF CAT INERTIAA cat at rest will tend to remain at rest,…
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    Vacuous Goober

    It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."Her question…
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    Bicycle Accidents

    In the early 1990's, when I was stationed at Caserma Carlo Ederle in Italy, it was very…
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    Facilities Memo

    My colleagues and I recently received this email from the facilities department:"Due to…
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    Senior Driver

    As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.Answering, he heard…
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    Mellowing Mom

    I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my…
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    Quick Thinking Dog

    A wealthy man decides to take a hunting safari in Africa, and takes his faithful dog with…

Because I am A Guy...

..I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV.  If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

..when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long after hypothermia has set in.  Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."

..when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

..I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu."  For all I know these are the same thing.  And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up a copy of "Cosmo" or "Better Homes & Gardens."

..when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

..I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone.  Why would you listen to a complete stranger--how could HE know where we're going?

..you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.  Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

..I think what you're wearing is fine.  I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.  Either pair of shoes is fine.  With the belt or without it looks fine.  Your hair is fine.  You look fine.  Can we just go now?

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