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  • parrot

    Parrot Dream Fulfilled

    A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large…
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    How Do You Spell That

    Lena passed away and Ole called 911. The 911 operator told Ole that she would send…
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    Children Under Ten

    Mark Twain's contention was that the most interesting information comes from children,…
  • picture of a taxi

    Excuse Me Driver

    A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the…
  • mailbox

    Letter From Mom

    When the man came home, his wife was crying. "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed. "My…
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    Light Confusion

    A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation.His mother, sitting in the…
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    Lost Pigs

    Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered…
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    English Time

    In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and…
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    Raffle Toy

    Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have…
  • pill bottle

    Prescription

    A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor…
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    Better Trainer

    A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of…
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    Razor Request

    Ronnie goes down to the barber shop. He gets his hair cut and then he is getting a shave.…
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    Hard to Pronounce

    As a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a deceased pope. One day while I…
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    Pop Rocks

    Cassie was taking two of her Grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio…
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    Missed Delivery

    Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate…

B - You take my breath away
A - I feel like I'm suffocating

B - She says she loves the way I take control of the situation
A - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

B - Lucy and Ricky
A - Fred and Ethel

B - Saturday Night Fever
A - Monday Night Football

B - He makes me feel like a million dollars
A - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...

B - Don't stop
A - Don't start

B - The Sound of Music
A - The Sound of Silence

B - Is that all you're having?
A - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.

B - Wheel of Fortune
A - Jeopardy

B - Its like I'm in a dream
A - Its like he's in a dorm

B - $60/dozen
A - $1.50/stem

B - Turbo charged
A - Jump start

B - We agree on everything!
A - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

B - Charming and Noble
A - Chernobyl

B - Idol
A - Idle

B - I love a woman with curves
A- I never said you were fat

B - He's completely lost without me
A - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

B - Time stood still
A - This relationship is going nowhere

B - Croissant and cappuccino
A - Bagel and instant

B - Blind
A - Nearsighted

B - You look so seductive in black
A - Your clothes are so depressing

B - Iambic Pentameter
A - Blank Verse

B - Oysters
A - Fishsticks

B - I can hardly believe we found each other
A - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

B - Passion
A - Ration

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