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  • phone2

    Mike's Girlfriend

    After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him --…
  • dog irish_setter

    Weather Forecaster

    To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door…
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    Fortunate Aged People

    Old folks are worth a fortune: With silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in…
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    Farming Dream

    The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter-viewing a prospective student,…
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    Nervous Bride

    Apparently this is a true story. A woman in her forties got married but was bit nervous…
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    Rank Explanation

    My brother Ken was home on leave from his post in Hawaii, when he announced that he had…
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    Public Servant Sentence

    "Write a sentence about a public servant," said the teacher. The small boy wrote, "The…
  • boy soccerball

    Welcome to the Neighborhood

    A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was anxious to make a good…
  • Top ten dad joke

    Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear Dad Say

    10. Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.…
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    Funeral Bells

    A minister well known for his beautiful singing voice came home visibly upset after…
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    Goober Dieter

    A goober was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat…
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    Instrument Test

    I'm a middle school band teacher, and I match students to instruments by testing them on…
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    Pet Training

    A rolled up newspaper can be an effective pet training tool when used properly.For…
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    The Half Cake Diet

    A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight.She'd made her family's…
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    School Days

    Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to…

B - You take my breath away
A - I feel like I'm suffocating

B - She says she loves the way I take control of the situation
A - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

B - Lucy and Ricky
A - Fred and Ethel

B - Saturday Night Fever
A - Monday Night Football

B - He makes me feel like a million dollars
A - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he's done...

B - Don't stop
A - Don't start

B - The Sound of Music
A - The Sound of Silence

B - Is that all you're having?
A - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.

B - Wheel of Fortune
A - Jeopardy

B - Its like I'm in a dream
A - Its like he's in a dorm

B - $60/dozen
A - $1.50/stem

B - Turbo charged
A - Jump start

B - We agree on everything!
A - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

B - Charming and Noble
A - Chernobyl

B - Idol
A - Idle

B - I love a woman with curves
A- I never said you were fat

B - He's completely lost without me
A - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

B - Time stood still
A - This relationship is going nowhere

B - Croissant and cappuccino
A - Bagel and instant

B - Blind
A - Nearsighted

B - You look so seductive in black
A - Your clothes are so depressing

B - Iambic Pentameter
A - Blank Verse

B - Oysters
A - Fishsticks

B - I can hardly believe we found each other
A - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

B - Passion
A - Ration

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