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More Jokes

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    Take Out For Lunch

    Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to…
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    The End Of The World

    When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it? USA Today: WE'RE DEAD The…
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    Haircut ID

    I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a…
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    Goat for Dinner

    The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the…
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    Voting Tips

    A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each…
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    Charity Better than Expected

    Members of the Methodist women's church circle in one Wisconsin town some years ago were…
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    Homework Excuses

    Excuses to give your teacher when you don't do your homework.- I didn't do my history…
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    Newbie Preacher

    A newly appointed young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a…
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    Ask Jeeves

    My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the…
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    Flower Switch

    A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for…
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    Muddy General

    During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered…
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    First Things First

    Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the…
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    More Dog Quotes

    "If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise" -Unknown "In dog years, I'm…
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    Johnny In The Garden

    Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw…
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    'Twas the Night Before Finals

    'Twas the night before finals,And all through the college,The students were prayingFor…

Best Out Of Office Replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on September 30th. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $10.99 for the first ten words and $5.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

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