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More Jokes

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    Sarahrella

    After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a…
  • megaphone letters

    Extra Languages

    A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two guys are waiting.…
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    Landing in the Fog

    An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically…
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    Parts Search

    I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his…
  • law offices

    Lawyer Questions

    The following questions from lawyers (and answers from witnesses) were taken from…
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    Did You See That?

    Tom and Darryl were out hunting deer. Tom asked, "Did you see that?" "No," Darryl…
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    Baggage Problem

    The flight attendant watched a passenger try to stuff his hopelessly overloaded bags into…
  • Over-reacting to kidney stones

    Overreacting

    Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of…
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    Prescription Worries

    A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know,…
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    Online Support Group

    There's a new online support group for people who are addicted to the internet.It meets…
  • back to_school

    Fourth Grade Logic

    A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation,"…
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    Say Something Positive

    A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a…
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    Employment Search

    My employment search preoccupied our family for months. One day my husband told our three…
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    Lawyer Choice

    There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally came…
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    First Apartment

    Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and me for a visit. As…

Best Out Of Office Replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on September 30th. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $10.99 for the first ten words and $5.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

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