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More Jokes

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    Go Get Grandma

    When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging…
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    Future Son In Law?

    Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in…
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    Camping Hints

    When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the…
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    One-liners

    1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.2. Make yourself at home! Clean my…
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    Stain Glass

    An area pastor tells of his first Sunday in the new parish and presenting the children's…
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    Meatloaf

    A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make…
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    Laws of Parenting

    *Laws of Parenting*1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next…
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    $100 Coffee

    A street person approached a passer-by and said, "Sir, would you give me $100 for a cup…
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    Road Crew Signs

    While driving through South Carolina, I kept having to slow down for road repair crews.To…
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    $0.00

    In March 1992 a man living in Newtown near Boston Massachusetts received a bill for his…
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    Happy Birthday Line

    Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan,…
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    Interactive Weather

    Our part of the country had gone for weeks with little or no rain. The TV weatherman, on…
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    Cake Question

    While working at Baskin-Robbins, I helped a woman, who was full of questions about the…
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    Committee Praise

    The new pastor was winding down the service. In the back of the church, the fellowship…
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    Lesser Known Laws

    Okay, you've heard of Murphy's famous Law: Everything that can go wrong will go wrong.…

Best Out Of Office Replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on September 30th. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $10.99 for the first ten words and $5.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

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