logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Student Driver

    As an instructor in driver education at Unionville-Sebewaing Area High School in…
  • face stressed

    You Know You're in Trouble When

    You know you'rein trouble when ... Your accountant's letter of resignation is postmarked…
  • Default Image

    Quickest Way to York

    A man approached a local person in a village he was visiting. "What's the quickest way to…
  • Default Image

    Children Under Ten

    Mark Twain's contention was that the most interesting information comes from children,…
  • dog irish_setter

    Weather Forecaster

    To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door…
  • Default Image

    Another Reason Not To Drink

    This guy enters a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It…
  • Default Image

    Hearing Request

    During a January revival an evangelist asked the people in line what they needed.One…
  • Default Image

    Almost Redialed

    I still have a lot of trouble with wrong numbers. Yesterday I dialed the Red Cross and…
  • Default Image

    Bricklayer's Insurance Claim

    I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number…
  • Default Image

    First Case Tried

    An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so…
  • Default Image

    Amateur Paleontologist

    Paleoanthropology Division Smithsonian Institute 207 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington, DC…
  • Default Image

    Bull Healing

    A farmer asked his vet to come out to check on his favorite bull who wasn't doing well at…
  • Default Image

    Hot Shot Pilot

    A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a…
  • Default Image

    Lost in the Woods

    Two hunters got lost in the woods. The first hunter said, "Don't worry. All we have to do…
  • Default Image

    Putting the Cat Out

    A couple is going out for an evening on the town.When they are almost ready to go, the…

A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "SMELL OF BAKED BREAD MAY BE HEALTH HAZARD." The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread.  The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma may break down ozone (I'm not making this stuff up).  I was horrified.  When are we going to do something about bread-induced global warming?  Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is the government going to go after Big Bread?

Well, I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should make anyone think twice ....

1: More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.

2: Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3: In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4: More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5: Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse.  The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6: Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and osteoporosis.

7: Bread has been proven to be addictive.  Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, actually begged for bread after only two days.

8: Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to harder items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.

9: Bread has been proven to absorb water.  Since the human body is more than
90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10: Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!  That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

11: Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

1: No sale of bread to minors.
2: No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
3: A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4: No animal or human images, nor any primary colours (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5: A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers.

Please send this e-mail on to everyone you know who cares about this crucial issue.

Remember: Think globally, act idiotically.

Powered By JFBConnect