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  • cemetary

    Mail Problems

    Thanks to Kim Harding for day's real life laugh from her family. Dear Pastor Tim, This is…
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    Tree Faller

    While working as a radiology technician in a hospital emergency room, I took X-rays of a…
  • phone2

    Day Off From School

    On Monday a call came in to the school receptionist. "Hello. Please mark William absent…
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    Egg Timing

    A friend of mine, a new bride, was on her honeymoon and spent one night at her spouse's…
  • university building

    Battle Hymn of Term Finals

    Mine eyes have seen the horrorOf the ending of the termIt has poisoned all my spiritsLike…
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    More To Think About

    * Ever Wondered Why ....???? If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars…
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    You know you're growing old when..

    You know you're growing old when..You've come to the annoying realization that your…
  • doctor4

    Exercise Pill

    "I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient who…
  • picture of a white haired lady

    Why Teachers Go Gray

    These are reported to be actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville,…
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    Newlywed Breakfast

    "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Tracy the newlywed bride,…
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    Moose Hunters

    Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good…
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    One-Liners

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Nothing in the known universe…
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    Historical Application

    Steinberg needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications to…
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    First Day

    Little Johnny was thrilled when his turn came to enter kindergarten. To make sure he had…
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    Verbalized Prayers

    The pastor of a mid-sized church decided one Monday morning that the staff would…

Some memorable quotes from Bob Hope:

ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill".

ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100 ", I do not feel old. In fact, I do not feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING "I ruined my hands in the ring ...the referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."

ON GOLF "Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS "I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'."

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY, "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS, "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES, "I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

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