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More Jokes

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    No E-mail (copyrighted??)

    An unemployed man is desperate to support his family. His wife watches TV all day and his…
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    Secret Of Life

    A woman walking down a residential street, noticed a little old man rocking in a chair on…
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    Duck Food

    Duck : Do you have any duck food? Storekeeper: No Duck : Do you have any duck food?…
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    Work Confusion

    A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks.The man was…
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    College Cure

    Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other,…
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    Bagel Shop Student

    "Hello Mrs. Frobisher" said the bearded guy behind the counter at the bagel shop. My…
  • bowling

    Age

    When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul.…
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    Look Like Mom

    A two-and-a-half-year-old walked into the bathroom while her mother was putting on…
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    Children At The Dinner Party

    During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally…
  • A funny joke about marriage

    Shoebox Doilies

    As a new bride, Aunt Edna moved into the small home on her husband's ranch near…
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    Chicken Answers

    Before you get to today‚Äôs supersized CleanLaugh, a bit down this e-mail (post number…
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    Analogies and Metaphors

    These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.- John and Mary had…
  • bear

    I Want To Be A Bear

    I want to be a bear...... If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but…
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    Fried Eggs

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.Suddenly her husband burst…
  • turkey live

    6 Legged Turkey

    An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better…

Some memorable quotes from Bob Hope:

ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill".

ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100 ", I do not feel old. In fact, I do not feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING "I ruined my hands in the ring ...the referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."

ON GOLF "Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS "I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'."

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY, "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS, "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES, "I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

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