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    Plane Programming

    At a recent computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward…
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    Government Work

    You know you work for the government when:The process becomes more important than the…
  • mother and daughter2

    Mom Wonder

    A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like. She said, "We used…
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    Think of a Number

    Think of a number.Multiply it by 3.Now add 5.Take away the number you first thought…
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    Time Off

    Two men working in a factory were talking. "I know how to get some time off," said…
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    Taking Down The Flag

    My husband was serving his last few years of military service on active duty with an Army…
  • baseball1

    Do You Understand?

    At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you…
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    Parachute Charity

    I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of…
  • picture of old lady

    Granny's Visit

    Little Tony was so happy to see his grandmother that he ran up and gave her a big hug.…
  • studying ahead

    Ode To Finals Week

    Twas the night before finals, and all through the college,The students were praying for…
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    No More Gators

    While sports fishing off Melbourne Beach, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but…
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    Movie Seats

    After I had purchased movie tickets for myself and my girlfriend, she went inside to find…
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    The Vending Machine

    A goober named Laura is at a local zoo and comes across a vending machine, which she has…
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    Goober 2 by 4s

    A couple of goobers in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of them walked into…
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    Sidewalk Meeting

    Bumping into a woman on the sidewalk, the Tom Cruise look-alike apologized, "Pardon me!"…

Some memorable quotes from Bob Hope:

ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill".

ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100 ", I do not feel old. In fact, I do not feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING "I ruined my hands in the ring ...the referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."

ON GOLF "Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS "I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'."

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY, "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS, "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES, "I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

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