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    Speeding Registration

    On a long drive from Virginia, I thought I was traveling at a reasonable speed, but the…
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    Signs You've Chosen a "No Frills" Airline

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    Dependents

    A man submitting information to his income tax preparer was asked how many dependents he…
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    Goober Job Interview

    An goober goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics.…
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    Church Dictionary

    From the church dictionary: AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.…
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    Voting Tips

    A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each…
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    Stolen Turkey

    Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I…
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    Thunderstorm Plea

    An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon swaying and bumping around the…
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    $50 Question

    A scientist and a poet were traveling in the same compartment on a train. They had never…
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    Surgery Plan

    We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to…
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    Four Letter Words

    A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride…
  • If General Motors had a car help line

    Car Help Line

    General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because…
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    Self Defense

    During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the…
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    Blizzard Police

    While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a policeman,…
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    Tracing Family

    Dear Abby:I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to…

About five years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. 

I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car.

I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it.  I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30 mph for it to start.  She said fine, hoped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.  A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions.

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