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More Jokes

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    Anti-Burglar Signs

    The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few…
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    Rescue Mom

    My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his…
  • stork

    How Was I Born?

    A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well,…
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    Name Please

    A county traffic policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit.…
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    Flower Switch

    A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for…
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    50th Anniversary

    At my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, I was looking through a photo album of their…
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    Goober & Cell Phone

    A young man wanted to get his beautiful goober wife something nice for their first…
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    Dinosaur Highway

    A goober was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The ranger mentioned to the…
  • Dog New Year's Resolutions

    Your Dog's New Year's Resolutions

    I will not bark each time I see or hear a dog on TV. I will not steal underwear belonging…
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    Punctuation

    A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher.…
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    Letter Order

    Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Txes M&A Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the…
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    Future Price of Roses

    The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to…
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    Tag Fad

    My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his…
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    Party Advice

    A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly…
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    Oil on Fish

    Students at school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.One…

When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm.  A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges.  Steer clear of those named for landfills.

While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded.  Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.

Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour.  Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.

Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.
Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.

You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.

You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.

The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by Tibetan veterinarians.

When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt.  It gives you something to wipe your nose on.

Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping:
Shine a flashlight into one ear.  If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish.  A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.

The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations.
The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.

It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.

Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country.  The tricky part is getting them on the bears.

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