logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Thanksgiving Grace

    My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were…
  • Default Image

    Haiku Error Messages

    Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on its hot new…
  • officer navy

    Wedding Pass

    A friend of mine joined the Navy and soon after had to attend a wedding. He asked an…
  • Default Image

    No Horns

    The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that…
  • Default Image

    Grandma and Computer

    The computer's swallowed grandmaYes' honestly' its true.She pressed 'control' and…
  • Default Image

    How the Media Would Cover the Apocalypse

    How the Media Would Cover the Apocalypse USA Today:WE'RE DEAD The Wall Street Journal:DOW…
  • Default Image

    Seatmate Choice

    The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young woman asked if the seat next to…
  • Default Image

    Do As I Say!

    An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a…
  • picture of a hang glider

    Zeek's Hang Glider

    In the back woods of Gooberland, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek,…
  • Default Image

    Flower Switch

    A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for…
  • Default Image

    Good Singer

    In a Brooklyn upscale pet shop, an elderly woman burst into the store. "I want to buy a…
  • Default Image

    The Patch

    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his…
  • new years_eve

    Attainable New Year's Resolutions

    This year, I resolve to... - Gain weight; at least 30 pounds. - Stop exercising; waste of…
  • Default Image

    Work Virus

    There is a new virus going around, called "work". If you receive any sort of "work" at…
  • Default Image

    Signature Birthday Surprise

    A famous author was autographing copies of his new novel in a Cleveland department store.…

If General Motors had a car help lineGeneral Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers.  But, imagine if they did . . .

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"

HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."

CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"


HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"

HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"

CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?"

HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"

CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"

HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you."

CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"


HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Your car stinks!"

HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"

CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"

HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"

CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!"

HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"

CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash anymore!"


HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."

HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"

CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"

CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"

Powered By JFBConnect