logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Car Help Line

If General Motors had a car help lineGeneral Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers.  But, imagine if they did . . .

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"

HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."

CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"


HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"

HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"

CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?"

HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"

CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"

HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you."

CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"


HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Your car stinks!"

HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"

CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"

HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"

CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!"

HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"

CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash anymore!"


HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."

HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"

CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"

CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Diary

    Linda: "What's that you're reading?"Jill: "A diary."Linda: What's in it?Jill: "I can't…
  • a picture of home

    No Place Like Home

    While I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table, and we started…
  • Default Image

    Daaaad!

    A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:"Da-ad...""What?""I'm…
  • Default Image

    Mummy Heart Failure

    An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket…
  • Default Image

    Check The Mirror

    Harry was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after…
  • preacher1

    Who Am I?

    Years ago, when our daughters were very young, we'd drop them off at our church's…
  • Default Image

    Visiting List

    A Catholic priest I once knew went to the hospital to visit patients. Stopping at the…
  • Default Image

    Walking Recovery

    An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected…
  • Default Image

    How To Simulate The Life Of A Sailor

    How To Simulate The Life Of A Sailor~ Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out,…
  • Default Image

    Apples for Teachers

    There are about 50 million American children enrolled in elementary school and high…
  • Default Image

    Breathe

    A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death…
  • Default Image

    Referrals

    When our local doctor began attending church services the minister was delighted, and it…
  • Default Image

    Police Rescue

    I remember the day when a police car pulled up to Grandma's house and Grandpa got out.…
  • Default Image

    In A Few Moments

    So far today, Lord, I've done all right; I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper,…
  • Default Image

    *Food Spoilage Tests For Bachelors*

    THE GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you…