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    Quotes From 11 Year-Olds' Science Exams

    The following are all quotes from 11 year-olds' science exams:"Water is composed of two…
  • A funny joke about a dad and his son out fishing.

    Questions

    A man took his son fishing one day. After a few hours in the boat with not much to do,…
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    Getting Ready

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    Flower Oil

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    Roast Woes

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    Little Encouragement

    The minister was shaking everyone's hand while they were leaving the church. An elderly…
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    Haircut ID

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    Vet Visit

    In his younger days our golden retriever Catcher often ran away when he had the chance.…
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    In A Few Moments

    So far today, Lord, I've done all right; I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper,…
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    Ravine Golfing

    One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing.Ben sliced his ball deep into a…
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    Information Assistance

    "Information. Can I help you?" "I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please." "One…
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    Ten Rules for Good Housekeeping

    Ten Rules for Good Housekeeping 1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when…
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    Call For A Ride

    Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One…
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    Three Mothers

    Three mothers are sitting on a park bench talking about (what else?) how much their sons…
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    Punishment Withheld

    Teacher: " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also…

picture of cat on roofMore Excerpts from "The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human.

Cats are beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent creatures. And with a little love and caring, they can keep a human being alive for upwards of seventy to eighty years. If you follow these simple instructions, you can have your human housetrained in no time.

CLEANLINESS: For some reasons, humans seem to enjoy immersing themselves in running water. Attempts to get humans to lick themselves clean have proven interesting, if unproductive.

COMMUNICATION: Humans are unable to speak a proper language. Therefore, you should communicate a point loudly, repeatedly, and if at all possible, at about three in the morning. Any attempts at human-to-cat communication can be dealt with by simply ignoring it until it stops.

FEEDING: Morning feeding should start promptly when your human is fast asleep, preferably three or four minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off. Recommended methods of waking your human include: sitting on its face, screaming in its ear, and biting its hair.

MATING: Human mating behavior is fascinating. Unfortunately, humans tend to get easily spooked by prolonged study of courtship rituals, and resort to shoe-throwing behavior.

TOILET TRAINING: A human's natural tendency is to not change your litter box. Although experts in human behavior believe it can be attributed to the "laziness reflex," this can be easily corrected through what is called "shoe therapy." Just remember that a human shoe looks a lot like a human toilet, and you should be fine.

Following these simple tips is the first step towards a long and productive cat/human relationship.sable thumbs will only take you so far.

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