logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Men, Dogs, Women

    1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same Both take up too much space on the bed.Both have…
  • Default Image

    Official ID Card

    My husband, a U.S. Coast Guard pilot, was on an exchange tour with the Royal Navy in…
  • Default Image

    How To Know When You Are Ready For Parenthood

    How To Know When You Are Ready For ParenthoodMESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa…
  • picture of for rent sign

    Excerpts From Actual Letters Sent To Landlords

    1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." 2. "This…
  • Default Image

    Gender Request

    After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was admitted to the delivery…
  • Default Image

    Gripe Comments

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form (called a "gripe sheet," at some airlines)…
  • Default Image

    Graduation Speech Notes

    When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began by reading from…
  • Default Image

    Good Guess

    A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation,"…
  • Default Image

    The Politician Dance

    There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you…
  • Default Image

    More Actual Classified Ads

    More Actual Classified Ads - - - - - Stock up and save. Limit: one. - We build bodies…
  • Default Image

    Love Campaign

    The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite…
  • Default Image

    Brotherly Chores

    Drew and Timmy were brothers. One day Mom and Dad had to go into town. Dad told Drew,…
  • Default Image

    Theme Songs For Bible Characters

    Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise" Lazarus:…
  • Default Image

    Happy Birthday Elsie

    I play pinochle regularly with seven other women, most of whom are 70 or older. Recently…
  • Default Image

    Free to Go

    Jon and Amanpreet were in an institution. This place had an annual contest where they…

picture of cat on roofMore Excerpts from "The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human.

Cats are beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent creatures. And with a little love and caring, they can keep a human being alive for upwards of seventy to eighty years. If you follow these simple instructions, you can have your human housetrained in no time.

CLEANLINESS: For some reasons, humans seem to enjoy immersing themselves in running water. Attempts to get humans to lick themselves clean have proven interesting, if unproductive.

COMMUNICATION: Humans are unable to speak a proper language. Therefore, you should communicate a point loudly, repeatedly, and if at all possible, at about three in the morning. Any attempts at human-to-cat communication can be dealt with by simply ignoring it until it stops.

FEEDING: Morning feeding should start promptly when your human is fast asleep, preferably three or four minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off. Recommended methods of waking your human include: sitting on its face, screaming in its ear, and biting its hair.

MATING: Human mating behavior is fascinating. Unfortunately, humans tend to get easily spooked by prolonged study of courtship rituals, and resort to shoe-throwing behavior.

TOILET TRAINING: A human's natural tendency is to not change your litter box. Although experts in human behavior believe it can be attributed to the "laziness reflex," this can be easily corrected through what is called "shoe therapy." Just remember that a human shoe looks a lot like a human toilet, and you should be fine.

Following these simple tips is the first step towards a long and productive cat/human relationship.sable thumbs will only take you so far.

Powered By JFBConnect