logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Cat's Guide For Human Care

picture of cat on roofMore Excerpts from "The Cat's Guide To Caring For Your Human.

Cats are beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent creatures. And with a little love and caring, they can keep a human being alive for upwards of seventy to eighty years. If you follow these simple instructions, you can have your human housetrained in no time.

CLEANLINESS: For some reasons, humans seem to enjoy immersing themselves in running water. Attempts to get humans to lick themselves clean have proven interesting, if unproductive.

COMMUNICATION: Humans are unable to speak a proper language. Therefore, you should communicate a point loudly, repeatedly, and if at all possible, at about three in the morning. Any attempts at human-to-cat communication can be dealt with by simply ignoring it until it stops.

FEEDING: Morning feeding should start promptly when your human is fast asleep, preferably three or four minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off. Recommended methods of waking your human include: sitting on its face, screaming in its ear, and biting its hair.

MATING: Human mating behavior is fascinating. Unfortunately, humans tend to get easily spooked by prolonged study of courtship rituals, and resort to shoe-throwing behavior.

TOILET TRAINING: A human's natural tendency is to not change your litter box. Although experts in human behavior believe it can be attributed to the "laziness reflex," this can be easily corrected through what is called "shoe therapy." Just remember that a human shoe looks a lot like a human toilet, and you should be fine.

Following these simple tips is the first step towards a long and productive cat/human relationship.sable thumbs will only take you so far.

More Jokes

  • single red_rose

    Memory Clinic

    Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the…
  • Default Image

    Resurrection Update

    A singing group call "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church.Everyone was…
  • Default Image

    Deck Praise

    I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck outside my…
  • baseball1

    Do You Understand?

    At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you…
  • Default Image

    You know you're growing old when..

    You know you're growing old when..You've come to the annoying realization that your…
  • Default Image

    Medical Term Needed

    The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he…
  • Default Image

    Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe for Turkey

    Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe for Turkey: Ingedients: - 1 large turkey - 1 small turkey…
  • Default Image

    Lost Hunting

    My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they…
  • Default Image

    Dog Calls

    Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty…
  • preacher1

    Board Meeting

    After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church…
  • Default Image

    Chicken Recovery

    A farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had…
  • boy

    Pickup Backfire

    Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's room, a mother finally…
  • rest area

    I'll Call Back

    Leaving Montreal for Quebec, I decided to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the…
  • Default Image

    Bloopers in the Media

    "Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound."- Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange…
  • Default Image

    10 Puns

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it…