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    At Home

    While I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table, and we started…
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    Cow Horns

    "Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city on…
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    Grandma and God

    My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are…
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    Vat A Country!

    Many years ago, my father was visiting America, from Europe, for the very first time. He…
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    Stuck Between Floors

    Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the…
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    Hospital Regulations

    Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while…
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    Patriotic Father

    On a recent trip to Washington, D.C., my brother-in-law overheard a patriotic father…
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    39 And Holding

    A young child asked a woman how old she was. She answered, "39 and holding." The child…
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    Maritime Museum

    Some midshipmen were tasked at the maritime museum to do the "dirty work" of restoring a…
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    Happy Birthday Grandpa

    My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I…
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    Pilgrim Church

    Thanksgiving day was approaching, and the family received a Thanksgiving card with a…
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    Flight Booking

    After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the…
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    How Hot Is It?

    How hot is it? The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. The…
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    Parrot Strings

    A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in…
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    Four Letter Surgery

    Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling."I'm ok but…

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Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.

Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

Half-time - The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave.

Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.

Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work.

Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.

Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week's illustrations.

Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes "overtime."

Trap - You're called on to pray and are asleep.

End Run - Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.

Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life.

Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation not to return for the evening service.

Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

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