logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    W-a-i-t-i-n-g

    The two ladies were sitting in the living room, waiting for their hostess, who was…
  • Default Image

    Ten Dresses

    My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her irritation. When…
  • cemetary

    Mail Problems

    Thanks to Kim Harding for day's real life laugh from her family. Dear Pastor Tim, This is…
  • Default Image

    Cleaning Instructions

    I bought a great new toilet seat recently.On the label was a suggestion on how to clean…
  • Default Image

    Looking For The Lift

    As a concierge at a posh resort, I was often asked about the ski facilities. One day a…
  • Default Image

    When I Was Your Age

    A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one…
  • Default Image

    More One-liners

    I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. Madness…
  • Default Image

    Carried Away Shopping

    In a shop, two men struck up a conversation. Just as one fellow said that his wife was…
  • printer 2

    Do It Yourself

    When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a…
  • Default Image

    Friendship Poems

    Are you tired of those Sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never…
  • picture of letters

    How To Speak English Properly

    *How to speak English Properly* Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. Prepositions are…
  • Default Image

    Goober in Snow Storm

    A goober got lost in her car in a New England snow storm. She remembered what her dad had…
  • Default Image

    Forced Landing

    A flight instructor was sent out to help a student who had radioed that he was about to…
  • Default Image

    Universal Solvent

    "The father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to tour the school…
  • Default Image

    Truck-Stop Harassment

    A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in.…
This cleanlaugh is a classic - originally out in 1996.

WORLD NEWS:

CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA

Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients

Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.

"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr and Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world," Clinton said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough.' It is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their incomprehensible words. The US is proud to lead the crusade in this noble endeavour."

The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Storm by the State Department, is set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grznyslated to be the first recipients. Two C-130 transport planes, each carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities.

Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the vowels. "My goodness, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said. "I have six children and none of them has a name that is understandable to me or to anyone else. Mr. Clinton, please send my poor, wretched family just one 'E.' Please." Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few key letters, I could be George Humphries. This is my dream."

If the initial airlift is successful, Clinton said the United States will go ahead with full-scale vowel deployment, with C-130's airdropping thousands more letters over every area of Bosnia. Other nations are expected to pitch in as well, including 10,000 British "A's" and 6,500 Canadian "U's."Japan, rich in A's and O's, was asked to participate, but declined.

"With these valuable letters, the people of war-ravaged Bosnia will be able to make some terrific new words," Clinton said. "It should be very exciting for them, and much easier for us to read their maps."

Linguists praise the US's decision to send the vowels. For decades they have struggled with the hard consonants and difficult pronunciation of most Slavic words. "Vowels are crucial to construction of all language," Baylor University linguist Noam Frankel said. "Without them, it would be difficult to utter a single word, much less organize a coherent sentence. Please,just don't get me started on the moon-man languages they use in those Eastern European countries."

According to Frankel, once the Bosnians have vowels, they will be able to construct such valuable sentences as: "The potatoes are ready"; "I believe it will rain"; and "Oh my goodness, there's an axe in my head!"

The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a foreign country since 1984. During the summer of that year, the US shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L's, S's and T's. The consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast quantities of the letters were intercepted and horded by violent, gun-toting warlords.

Powered By JFBConnect