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More Jokes

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    Dog Sweater

    In an upscale pet-supply store, a customer wanted to buy a red sweater for her dog.The…
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    First Apartment

    Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and me for a visit. As…
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    In Both Ears

    "It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but…
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    Y2K Backup System

    While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of our…
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    Message Break

    A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle…
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    Lobster Tails

    A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and…
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    Lemon-Aid

    A local bar was so sure its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a…
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    Eye Exam

    Eye-examination charts vary according to the manufacturer, but one thing they have in…
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    Homework Help

    "Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my…
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    Strawberry Fertilizer

    A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in…
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    Giuseppe Spomdalucci

    To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After…
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    Chute Error

    While being transported to basic training as a new enlistee of the Air National Guard, I…
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    Deli Tax Return

    The owner of a small deli was being questioned by the IRS about his tax return. He had…
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    You Look Tired

    A coworker told me that I looked tired. "I am," I said. "I just finished 50 push-ups."…
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    Wittle Wabbits

    Happy New Year everyone! It is my sincere hope and prayer that you have a peace filled…
Computer One-liners - Part 3

Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.

Programming is an art form that fights back.

RAM disk is not an installation procedure.

Real programs don't eat cache.

Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?

Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.

Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...

Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

Smith & Wesson - The ultimate "Point-and-Click" Interface...

Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.

Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)

System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.

System halted. Press Enter key to continue.

System has erased all work in progress. Press any key to ignore and continue.

System has violated data integrity. Delete all data? Y/y __

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.

The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
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