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    Dining Problem

    Everyone had weighed in, and our diet-workshop leader began her lecture on the week's…
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    Friendship Poems

    Are you tired of those Sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never…
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    Going to Disneyworld

    "Hey Grandpa!, can you make a noise like a frog?""I think I can do that. Why?""'Cuz Dad…
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    Strangest Recording

    I got the strangest recording when I called the phone company the other day.It said, "You…
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    Happy Songs

    A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to…
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    Funeral Weather

    As with many funerals, it was a cloudy, rainy day.The deceased was a little old lady who…
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    Dangerous Criminal

    One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she…
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    Commercial Reward

    At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for John to comment on my first attempt at…
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    Melanie is Watching

    One day while driving with my then 4 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by…
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    School Curlers

    ONE MORNING I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked…
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    Priest Twin

    Our priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also a priest, to fill in for…
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    Empty Nest Craft

    I am a first-grade teacher and a new empty-nester. One night I was trying out an art…
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    Poor Vagabond

    A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a…
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    Gender Request

    After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was admitted to the delivery…
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    Play Quietly

    Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but…

A conductor was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He constantly gave this guy personal attention and much advice, but his performance simply didn't improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said,

"When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section, "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

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