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    Martha Raye, Stewardess

    I once went for a job at an airline. The interviewer asked me why I wanted to be a…
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    School Notes

    The following notes from parents excusing their children from attending school have been…
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    Family Album

    I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers.My sisters and I were looking…
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    Cat T-Shirts

    If cats wore t-shirts, here is what they might say. "Purrfection cannot be improved" "If…
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    How To Interpret Employment Ads

    "Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. "Join…
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    Dr. Dress

    During my surgical residency I was called out of a sound sleep to the emergency room.…
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    Philosophy Chair

    An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing…
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    Free to Go

    Jon and Amanpreet were in an institution. This place had an annual contest where they…
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    Computer Help Desk

    Heard by the computer help desk:A customer couldn't get on the Internet:Helpdesk: "Are…
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    Rabbi Returns

    I returned to my parents' home to attend a funeral. At the temple, my mother led me to a…
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    Salesman Stop By

    One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie…
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    Happy Marriage

    On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy…
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    Joining the Church

    After the service a young couple talked to the pastor about joining the church. I hadn't…
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    Goober Eye Pain

    A goober went to the doctor complaining, "Doctor every time I drink tea my eye…
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    Senior Citizen Discount

    "$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my…

cookingTongue: a variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Yogurt: semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Recipe: a series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

Porridge: thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents.

The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Preheat: to turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

Oven: compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

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