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    Election Poetry

    In olden times, it could be decades before major events were cast in verse. But The Great…
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    Message Puzzle

    April was puzzled recently by the odd messages she kept getting on her voice mail. Day…
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    Long Living

    A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the…
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    Snake Glasses

    An old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very…
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    Definitions

    ADULT:A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.…
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    The Turkey Shot Out Of The Oven

    The turkey shot out of the ovenand rocketed into the air,it knocked every plate off the…
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    Landing Request

    There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his…
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    Wedding Report

    "How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife."Just fine until I asked the bride if…
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    Wrong Chanel

    The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of…
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    Truth About Children

    Truth About Children: - A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning. - A…
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    The friars of Flowers (pun alert)

    Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to…
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    Clothing Return

    While working in a clothing store, I noticed that people had no shame about returning…
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    Kids' Instructions for Life

    Never trust a dog to watch your food. Patrick, Age 10 When you want something expensive,…
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    Oily Hair

    Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it.…
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    Perfect Pet

    A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do…

cookingTongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on tables since

children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

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