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More Jokes

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    Arrangements

    It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother, but John felt that he must:…
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    Thanks

    A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an…
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    People and Mistakes

    People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes.People who do less work... make fewer…
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    Things Mom Doesn't Want To Hear

    "Mom's List Of Things She Does Not Want To Hear"1. I swallowed the goldfish.2. Your…
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    Dollar Math

    "If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you…
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    Casual Day

    I used to work for a large company, they often did special things for us to make work a…
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    More Newspaper Bloopers

    Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on "Destructive Pests". A…
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    Name That Baby

    When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen.…
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    Couple Descriptions

    Even mismatched couples may described kindly.1. He's a chiropractor, and she is a pain in…
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    Razor Request

    Ronnie goes down to the barber shop. He gets his hair cut and then he is getting a shave.…
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    Big Toe Tingle

    A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. "Doc, there's…
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    Guard Dog

    My sister-in-law, a truck driver, decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a…
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    Computer T-Shirt Slogans - #1

    Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.As a computer, I find your faith in technology…
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    Materialistic Or What?

    A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Jag XK-8 in front of the office, ready to…
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    Shoplifter Excuse

    My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was…

*Cooking Terms*

Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned not only when the food is removed, but when it is put in.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

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