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More Jokes

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    Parking Confusion

    After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping…
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    Homework Excuses

    Excuses to give your teacher when you don't do your homework.- I didn't do my history…
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    Honest Mechanic

    I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me…
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    The French Legionnaires

    There's these two French Legionnaires in the desert, and they've been separated from…
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    Ticket Purchase

    A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase…
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    Long Sermon Feedback

    After a very long and boring sermon the parishioners filed out of the church saying…
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    Spin the Bottle

    "We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it…
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    A Dollar Per Point

    A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests…
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    Comedians' Convention

    Someone brought a visitor and the new fellow sat fascinated as the funnymen shouted out…
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    Soup Objects

    The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been served in an eatery. It…
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    Gardening Help

    An old man living alone in South Armagh, whose only son was in Long Kesh Prison, didn't…
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    Talking Horse

    A jogger, running down a country road, is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey! Come…
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    Birth Warp

    Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was…
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    How To Lose Your First Case

    A young lawyer, just out of Law School, was pleading his first case in South Carolina. A…
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    Morning Sickness

    Sarah dropped in on her sister Molly and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring…

*Cooking Terms*

Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned not only when the food is removed, but when it is put in.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

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