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More Jokes

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    Safe Keeping

    When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become…
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    Navajo Wisdom

    About 1969 or so, a NASA team doing work for the Apollo moon mission took the astronauts…
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    Poor Vagabond

    A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a…
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    Awareness Test

    Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented.…
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    Understanding Your Paycheck

    Gross pay: $1222.02 Income Tax Outgo Tax State Tax Interstate Tax244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89…
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    Things Moms Would Never Say

    ~ "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"~ "Yeah, I used to skip school a…
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    Searching For Witnesses

    The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a…
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    Getting Closer

    Our son, who's in the Army stationed in Georgia, invited my husband and me for a visit.…
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    Time To Go

    The pastor was known for the clarity and brevity of his sermons. His talks were well…
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    Fly Bye

    A woman walked into her house to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.…
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    What Happened

    "What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in…
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    Lost Bible

    The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the…
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    Cat Sale

    A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping…
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    Innocent Question

    A prosecuting attorney just could not believe that a jury had found the defendant not…
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    Tonsils

    A young boy of four was going into hospital to have his tonsils removed. He told his…

*Cooking Terms*

Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned not only when the food is removed, but when it is put in.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

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