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More Jokes

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    Career Cooling

    Once I worked as an operator on an old IBM 370/Model 138 mainframe at a local college. My…
  • boots

    Boot Lesson

    A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on. He asked for…
  • great dane

    A Dog Named Bear

    Friends of ours owned a huge Great Dane named "Bear." He looked menacing but was actually…
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    Professor Turns Plumber

    A professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home leaked. He called a…
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    Minister Call

    A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar.During her struggle the…
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    Roughing It

    A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska for a trip that the husband…
  • garage sale

    Yard Sale Anger

    A woman was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said…
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    What It Means

    Five year old Becky answered the door when the Census taker came by.She told the Census…
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    Ice Capades

    A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first performance of the Ice Capades.…
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    Married Witness

    An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered at him,…
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    Meeting Invitation

    I was telling a friend about my enrollment in a weight-loss program and how excited I was…
  • A funny joke about a man who takes up tennis later in life.

    Tennis Talk

    A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise so he decided to play…
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    There's Teacher

    The children had all been photographed for school pictures, and the teacher was trying to…
  • doctor3

    Doctor's Writing

    Did you hear about the doctor who wrote out a prescription in the usual doctor's fashion?…
  • The Seniors' Serenity Prayer

    Serenity for Seniors

    God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to…

*Cooking Terms*

Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.

Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned not only when the food is removed, but when it is put in.

Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

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