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More Jokes

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    Mother Ring

    While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman who gave me my medication was…
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    Play-Off Tickets

    A man goes to the Chicago Bear ticket office and inquires about purchasing play-off…
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    Ever Riden a Honda?

    A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the…
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    104 Year Best

    Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing…
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    Clothes Hamper

    I asked my two-year-old to take his dirty clothes and put them into the hamper.He looked…
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    Business Report

    My company had a successful year, and at the annual meeting, employees eagerly awaited…
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    Stork Reunion

    A man took his little boy to the zoo for the very first time. Each time they would see a…
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    Possessed Computer?

    For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers…
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    Lazy Cobbler

    A man went into a shoe repair store in his hometown that he had not been in for almost…
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    She Was Such A Goober

    She was such a goober. . ... she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.. she tripped over a…
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    Rental Description

    On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver…
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    Pastor Jim's Bungee Jump

    Pastor Jim was called to pastor a large Southern Baptist Church in San Antonio, Texas. He…
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    School Excuse

    At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and…
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    Denture Feedback

    A couple of old guys were golfing when one said he was going to Dr. Taylor for a new set…

Don't squat with your spurs on.


Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm.  The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.

Tellin' a man to git lost and makin' him do it are two entirely different propositions.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.

Always take a good look at what you're about to eat.  It's not so important to know what it is, but it's sure crucial to know what it was.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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