logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Deep Thoughts

From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. --Age 8

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any ol' person vote. --Age 10

Home is where the house is. --Age 6

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. --Age 6

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again.  But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. --Age 5

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day.  At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. --Age 7

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. --Age 15

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies.  Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with! --Age 6

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" --Age 15

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. --Age 15

More Jokes

  • car old

    12 Reasons to Buy a New Car

    1. Your passenger seat is on the National Register of Historic Places.2. Instead of an…
  • Default Image

    Haiku Error Messages

    Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on its hot new…
  • Default Image

    Record Store

    A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home…
  • Default Image

    Liturgical Response

    In our Anglican church, each service begins with a greeting. The officiating clergyman…
  • gavel

    Lesser Known Laws

    Okay, you've heard of Murphy's famous Law: Everything that can go wrong will go wrong.…
  • Default Image

    Next Pastor

    Rev. Jones shocked the congregation when he announced his resignation from the church and…
  • Default Image

    Train Candy Bar

    Little Johnny and his friend Billy were on their very first train ride, with Billy's…
  • Default Image

    Goober Operator

    My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. When I called, the…
  • Default Image

    Cell Phone Find

    An employee of the airport found a cell phone in one of the boarding areas. She switched…
  • Default Image

    Boat 99

    At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his…
  • Default Image

    New Appointment

    Defendant: Your Honor, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.Judge: And why is…
  • Default Image

    Five Tech Replies

    Five things you don't want to hear from Tech Support: 1. "Duuuuuude! Bummer!" 2. "In…
  • Default Image

    Lost Bid

    Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly…
  • ski fall

    Preparing For Ski Season

    Ski season will be here soon! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you prepared:…
  • Default Image

    Kitten Revival

    A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He…