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    Things Mom Doesn't Want To Hear

    "Mom's List Of Things She Does Not Want To Hear"1. I swallowed the goldfish.2. Your…
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    Burning Call

    A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is…
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    Time Management

    The church wanted to help their congregation cope better with the stresses of modern…
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    Waiting at the Door

    I was hospitalized for a few days, and my wife reported that my dog really missed me.…
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    Clerk Problem

    In a department store, Sandra and a patient clerk were having a hard time getting…
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    Chess Playing Dog

    A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He…
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    Hand Signals

    A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-year-old teacher because her hand signals were…
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    Security Tips

    The following are notices that homeowners can place in a few strategic locations to keep…
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    Wake Up!

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the…
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    Charm School 101

    At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm…
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    Sign Return

    I was on board the USS Kitty Hawk when we docked in the Sri Lankan capital, Colombo.One…
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    10 Puns

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it…
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    Really Impressed

    As a psychologist, my first job was working in a small clinic. One of my patients was a…
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    Baggage Problem

    The flight attendant watched a passenger try to stuff his hopelessly overloaded bags into…
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    You Might Be an Engineer If...

    * You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.* You chuckle…

There was an unexpected knock on my door, and like I always do I first opened the peephole and asked, "Who's there?"

"Parcel post, ma'am. I have a package that needs a signature."

"Where's the package?" I asked suspiciously. The deliveryman held it up.

"Could I see some ID?" I said, still not convinced.

"Lady," he replied wearily, "if I wanted to break into your house, I'd probably just use these." And he pulled out the keys I had left in the door.

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