logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    English vs Western

    My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses…
  • Default Image

    'Coons From Heaven

    MILLEDGEVILLE, Ga. (AP) - Brad Davis was training his puppy to pick up the scent of a…
  • Default Image

    Where did I come from?

    One day our Little niece Rita went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come…
  • canada flag

    Tourist Questions

    Here are some of the "All-Time Dumbest Questions" asked by Banff Park tourists. On…
  • Default Image

    Mowing the Lawn

    I was trying to mow the lawn before my husband got home from work, but our electric lawn…
  • dog4

    Waiting at the Door

    I was hospitalized for a few days, and my wife reported that my dog really missed me.…
  • Default Image

    Totally Out of Shape

    I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to…
  • Default Image

    One-liners

    *43.3% of statistics are meaningless! *Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.…
  • Default Image

    Carrier Landings 2

    Flying into a Middle East airport, my co-pilot and I reviewed our flight plan for the…
  • Default Image

    Most Difficult Case

    Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over dinner, one asked, "What…
  • Default Image

    Sunday Service

    A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.After the…
  • Default Image

    What's Good Tonight

    Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to…
  • Default Image

    Rich Uncle

    Two men are talking. One says to the other, "I shouldn't have told my fiancée about my…
  • Default Image

    Distraught Senior

    A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office."Is it true," she wanted to know,…
  • Default Image

    The Perfect Man

    The finalist has been named in the worldwide search for the perfect man.After careful…
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest.  They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers.

Here are the finalists:

1.  "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards.  Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp.  in Redmond, WA.)

2.  "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

3.  "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.  It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4 "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5.  "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.  No one will believe you solved this problem in one day!  We've been working on it for months.  Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

6.  "My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections.  She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it.  The disk I gave her was write-protected." (CIO of Dell Computers)

7.  Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8.  My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.  When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year.  He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday.  He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

9.  "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

10.  We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

11.  One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on.  I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough.  He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)
Powered By JFBConnect