logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • child pray

    Pray Loud

    Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys…
  • Default Image

    New Brain Study

    A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that…
  • Default Image

    Children Under Ten

    Mark Twain's contention was that the most interesting information comes from children,…
  • Default Image

    Eating Out

    Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches…
  • Default Image

    Flight Delay Announcement

    A passenger on a Southwest flight says that he once faced a flight delay just before they…
  • Default Image

    Helping Mom

    A little while after my mother was widowed, it became apparent that she was unable to…
  • Default Image

    Freeway Repair

    An off-ramp of a freeway in Long Beach, CA, has been torn up for years.Recently, someone…
  • Default Image

    Namesake Care

    While I was serving as a chief master sergeant at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier…
  • Default Image

    Senior's Ode to Medication

    A row of bottles on my shelfcaused me to analyze myself.One yellow pill I have to popGoes…
  • Doctor helps wife with husband's snoring

    Financing Surgery

    A woman had a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So, she called the doctor one…
  • dog2

    How Much Are Your Dogs

    If you are not sure what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here. It seems this…
  • Default Image

    Morning Run

    The drill sergeant, making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a…
  • Default Image

    Window Savings

    A window salesman phoned a customer. "Hello, Mr. Brown," said the sales rep. "I'm calling…
  • Default Image

    Elementary Motherhood

    Following are answers given by elementary school-age children to the given questions: Why…
  • Default Image

    Razor Request

    Ronnie goes down to the barber shop. He gets his hair cut and then he is getting a shave.…
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest.  They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers.

Here are the finalists:

1.  "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards.  Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp.  in Redmond, WA.)

2.  "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

3.  "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.  It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4 "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5.  "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.  No one will believe you solved this problem in one day!  We've been working on it for months.  Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

6.  "My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections.  She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it.  The disk I gave her was write-protected." (CIO of Dell Computers)

7.  Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8.  My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.  When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year.  He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday.  He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

9.  "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

10.  We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

11.  One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on.  I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough.  He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)
Powered By JFBConnect