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    Military Chat

    During the second Gulf War, I was an Air Force colonel. I routinely flew on different…
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    Put Him Back

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    It Sure Is

    An elderly couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband…
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    Three Mothers

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    Diet Additive

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    More, More Church Bulletin Bloopers

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    Unwise Application Lines

    Readers of the Washington Post were asked to compose a very unwise line for a college…
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    House Calls

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    Forced Landing

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    Party Advice

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    Dead Seagull

    A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him,…
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    Poor Widow

    A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at…
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    Disguising Presents

    Three-year-old Elizabeth was helping her mother Melinda wrap a present for her father.…
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    Husband Chair Feedback

    A young man was sitting next to me in one of the two "husband chairs" in a ladies'…
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    Funny Quotes

    Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.- Red Buttons Did…

parrotMrs. Lonefold's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.

He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under *any* circumstances talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen.

But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.

However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!!"

To which the parrot replied: "GET HIM, Brutus!!"

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